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my son has become defiant, sarcastic, disrespectful, beligerant, withdrawn, combative and even close to striking me .... confides in school friends with personal family matters rather than talk to me about it, trusts friends and teachers advice over mine, even though I have been there every hour of every day for him for school or any activity since his mother died last October he thinks I have never been there for him, chooses to deviate from school plan to follow what his friends think is a good curriculum when he has neither the interest nor the talent necessary for it, bated me into an argument with his friends prearranged and waiting outside telling them I am abusive and physically hurting him and he is scared of me ( there have been only 2 heated arguments including this one since last October ) to justify it then runs out the door with his bags to an awaiting car of one of his friends parents .... now he is staying at his friends house and will not come home .... he just turned 17 ! ..... I don't know what to do ..... i feel like I have been set up and the parents that help him leave have not called me ! Is this legal ? Apparently I have no say and if I try to curtail his involvement with these people ( my wife always thought they were a bad influence but I let him see them anyway .... big mistake ) my son leaves to go to them !
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My daughter is 13 years old... and she has this boy who is 18 years old that she "likes". She calls him endlessly. I have spanked her, spoken to her, written to her all in effort of saying..She must enjoy her childhood and stop pursuing boys. I would like to think that we have a relationship where we share stuff... but now am worried that she might me hiding somethings from me... How do i get it to her that pursuing boys n relatioships is done when one is a little bit older than she is.. Frustr mom
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I have a son as a result of a previous relationship. I assume financial responsibility, stay in touch and visit with him (he lives far away with his mom) when I can. My question is that I have since married and have two children, now 5 and 3 that see pictures of my son around the house. When should I introduce the topic of my son and how can I explain this to my younger children?
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My daughter has trouble falling asleep at night (age 6 1/2). She is with me 50% of the time since I am divorced from her father. I think its the comfort of me being there with her while she falls asleep. At times, I fall asleep too and just stay in her bed. Apparently, my ex has caught wind of this (I'm sure my daughter Madison told him) and he says this is unhealthy. I put the TV on for her tonight and she fell asleep in about 20 minutes. Please define if this is unhealthy.
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What makes a word a swear? I'm sure I'm "out of it" as the 55-year-old mother of three ages 22, 20 and 17, but I have issues with the word s-u-c-k. Is it a swear? Was it a swear-word at some point but now it isn't? Who decides these things? I finally gave up telling them not to use it, because it now seems to be in common use in magazine articles and movies, but I can see their grandmother cringe when it is used. Should I just be grateful they don't use the f-word or s-word?
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My 7 year old son has just figured out that everyone is going to die, and he is upset in the extreme now, vacillating between forbidding any talk of dying as it makes him too sad, and asking incessant questions about death and making declarations concerning death ("I never want to get any older; I don't want you or daddy to get any older"). He's upset enough that he was literally trembling tonight in bed, and has already woken from a nightmare within two hours of falling asleep. He's an intense, sensitive and gifted child, who also has had a language disorder, so some of his emotional development is still slightly behind his peers. We've been talking about death with him honestly (as we perceive it in our non-religious household), and gently. Is there anything we can do to lessen the shock of learning and coping with this? Or do we just have to ride it out?
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Our eldest grandchild is disrespectful to my wife and me. Her mother, our deceased son's girlfriend does not teach the 6 kids much about respect. Recently she hung the phone up on both of us. Now she is going to visit with her siblings. How should we handle this first meeting since the incident which happened a month ago?
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HOW MANY WEEKS OF SUMMER VACATION TIME IS BEST FOR NON CUSTODIAL PARENTS & THEIR CHILDREN?
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I am very good about remembering birthdays, calling to keep in touch and sending gifts. As a step-grandmother (my spouse passed away) how do I encourage my step-daughter to simply let me know gifts were received? How can I ensure my grandchildren are learning manners and gratitude if it isn't being displayed by their parents? Mostly, I feel badly about this and don't know what to say if there is anything appropriate that I can say.
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I have a very basic question concerning a student athlete and coach relationship that has turned to the worse. How do I help my child (a senior in high school) when her coach of over 6 years turns on her, is mean to her, refuses to coach her anymore, and basically treats her awful? He has always treated her well, and its like a light switch has turned off. He is openly horrible to her. She is a "state athlete" but NOT a "State CHAMPION". He has dropped her like a hot potato and now focuses on the younger kids, who probably won't make it to state. It's her senior year and she is miserible by this rejection. Her "future college coach" is so pleased with her work ethic, and skill level. I hate to see my daughter upset. She regarded this coach as a second dad. Now he is nasty and does mean spirited things to put her down and make fun of her. I want her to quit. But she is being recruited to be an athlete in college, so she is stuck in a season with a horrible old coach. Help
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My husband and I have a blended family. I have three children from a previous marriage and he has one, then we share one together. The transition is going as well as can be expected. We both had nasty divorces where as the other ex-spouse engaged in serious false allegations during the divorce. There have been several times now where we have caught the children in lies to their other parent about abuse, being home left alone, fake bruises, locking children up in rooms, etc. Thankfully, nothing serious resulted from the lies. We did take away privileges from the children each time it happened. Why do the children feel a need to lie to the other parent about such important issues? Is there anything I can do further, as a parent, other then revoking privileges when this happens?
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I'm almost 100% sure that one of my kids has stolen money from their dad's wallet. How do i handle this?
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Hello, I have a bit of a different question for you, although I think it still involves raising kids. I am a 31 year old mother of a 16 month old girl, whom I've been breast feeding exclusively. Well, I think its time to stop and I don't know how. Lilly still does not sleep through the night, she wakes up about every hour, sometimes every 30 min. to suck. I don't even think she is doing this to eat, just uses me as a pacifier :). She comes up to me and askes, "mommy milk" whenever, she wants to, which sometimes can be ever hour or so. I don't really mind it because it is a bonding experience between us. I do think that its time we stop now, but I just don't know how to. This may sound weird, but I feel like I will loose "us". Its something that Lilly and I do, that nobody can take away from us, so how do we stop? I don't want her to feel rejected, abandoned or that I don't love her. help please! Kathy Russo
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My son is 15 years old and in the 9th grade. Last night I read some of his text messages between him and his girlfriend and they were discussing "going all the way". I don't know how to handle this. I have talked in detail with my son about the risks and responsibility that go along with making that decision and I thought that he understood our position on this matter, but obviously I was wrong. What do I do? Do I forbid them from seeing each other or what?
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What do you say to your smart and pretty 17-year-old when she calls herself "the dateless wonder?" She has dozens of friends, gets great grades in AP courses, is the backstage manager for all the plays (and is in the plays, too), sings in the highest level chorus and participates in speech and debate. She just happens to never yet have had a date and is really (grimly) bummed about it. As usual, any compliments I give her get turned back with "you have to say that because you're my mother" and she rolls her eyes when I give the "it will happen some day" line. She just went to the Homecoming Dance with a group, but the other six were basically dating pairs. Sigh.
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I have a 16 yr old son and 19 yr old daughter. I have been going through a divorce for the past year and it's almost over. My daughter is a freshman in college and seems to have handled it well. My son on the other hand blames me for everything. My ex has manipulated my son into believing this divorce is my fault entirely (NOT) and now my son has a lot of anger towards me and my family, and even his sister. She has tried to talk to him, they used to be very close, but he wants nothing to do with it. He is extremely smart, but the last year his grades have gone down and he doesn't seem to care about school. He is also very athletic(baseball,had knee surgery over 1 yr ago) and has now gotten back into playing. I moved into my own place 1 month ago and my son refuses to move his things in (we have joint custody) and I only live 1 mile away. He comes to visit occasionally but has told me he will not live with me. The custody arrangement at this point is not very strict (on the advise of lawyers and the judge who did the mediation) since my son is having such a hard time. I was mostly a stay at home mom, worked part time (have an MBA) and now have gone back to work full time. I'm afraid my son will be a 'loose cannon' since his dad does not discipline or enforce any rules and pretty much lets him do what he wants (like watch TV all the time). Otherwise he is a great kid, never been in any trouble. However with this lack of authority and his anger towards me I'm afraid I may lose him and he will want nothing to do with me. I have him scheduled to see a therapist in a few weeks. This was a huge problem since his dad doesn't think he needs to talk to anyone. His dad is also a huge pathological liar, brought up during the divorce as well. Any comments/suggestions would be helpful. I just don't know what to do with him at this point. I always make myself available and always try to get him to do things with me, but he usually says no.
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i have a seven year old daughter that refuses to speak in school. she is very smart and has no issues in her academics. She just selects who she wants to speak to. She is now in the second grade. She never spoke to any of her teachers or classmates since preschool. However she is a chatter box at home to all my family members and my close friends. This is quite frustrating for me as a single parent and it is quite frustrating for her teachers. I took her to a psychologist and we had about 10 visits. She would not speak to the psychologist either. She does not have autism or any depression syndromes. The psychologist tested for that. How can i get her to speak to kids her age and to her teachers. PLEASE HELP. Im losing my mind.
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My son is in 5th grade and has ADHD. Despite the fact that he is on medication, we still have problems with homework. The biggest problem is his anger towards doing homework and his frustration when he doesn't get the answer immediately. He wants to be a good student and he gets good grades - but he does fights us every day about doing his homework. We spend more time fighting than doing at times and my other son is picking up on this behavior and doing it as well. I feel at his grade level he needs to do his homework on his own. I am available if he needs guidance -but only if he is really stuck - not giving up because it is too hard. We have a system of when to do homework and to chunk down large projects or take breaks but it doesn't seem to work. Do I let him fail and not turn in his homework? Should I have other consequences for not doing his homeowrk? Or should I have a reward system?
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I am the single mom of an eight-year-old girl. She recently had a friend over; that girl is nine. My dad was watching the girls while I was at work. When I came home, my daughter was in the pool and the other girl was inside on the computer. I reminded my daughter that I didn’t want to happen when friends are over. I went in to see the girl and she jumped up and away from the computer. I suggested both girls take showers before dinner and checked the history on the computer. The girl was looking at porn videos! I asked my daughter if she did this too and she said yes and started crying. Then I asked the other girl why she did this and how she knew where to look. She said she saw this on TV at her dad’s house (her parents are divorced). I called the mom who in turn called the father who replied that he didn’t have time to talk about this. This little girl was also caught stealing from purses at a dance recital. I have repeatedly suggested to the mom that this little girl gets professional help, but I don’t think she will do anything about it. The reason I have her around my daughter is that I hope she will see good influences, but now I am concerned about having my daughter around this bad influence. My question to Parental Wisdom is I have great concern about this little girl. At what point does someone report to child welfare? I can only think that if she has such troubled behavior at age nine, what will happen when she is a pre-teen?
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Hello – I’m not sure if you can help provide advice or not to the below situation but if not, could you please suggest other resources where I might ask the same questions to gain some insight and advice? I’ve tried to make it brief but not sure it’s brief enough :) I have just returned from a 9 day trip while my husband and 2 kids (12 and 15) stayed at home. Last night my daughter (15) and I were discussing a couple of recent instances where a couple of her close friends had gotten drunk (a very new situation) and she was giving me the details of the events and how she felt about the situation. Up to this point my daughter seems to have had a strong resolve not to drink and hasn’t particularly had a problem with saying no thanks when offered drugs or alcohol (her words, not mine). I asked her how that’s been working for her and told her I was proud of her for being so strong in her decisions. I then followed up and said to her “and you’ve never gotten drunk yourself?” Thankfully for me, my daughter still shares a lot of information with me and she proceeded to tell me the following story: • While I was gone on my trip, she and a friend snuck out of the house (while my husband peacefully snored away) at 1am and went to another friends house who was having somewhat of a party (parents were home but they have a separate dwelling where the kids hang out). • Kids at the party were drinking and she thought she’d try it for a change • She had 2 beers (I’m guessing more than that or something else based on the remaining details) and proceeded to get absolutely smashed. She said she couldn’t walk, they video taped her doing super stupid stuff, she alternated between laying on the ground and falling over drunk, etc. Not a fun time she said. • She said she needed to go home and just be at her own house and did manage to get home sometime around 6am (yes, my husband was still sleeping and didn’t notice). I asked her how she got home because my biggest message to my kids has always been NEVER get in the car with someone has been drinking. She said the person that drove her home was sober. • Once home, she said she proceeded to throw up for hours and said she’s never felt so terrible in her entire life. One of her friends was with her who had had a similar experience not long ago and stood by and took care of her for the day. She said it was the most horrible experience of her life and she vowed then and there to never drink again (I wish!!). • We talked about how some people could handle alcohol and some couldn’t and she was likely going to be one of those who couldn’t (she’s very petite) and that the effects on her would likely to result in the same type of experience. I told her that if she made the choice to do it again, she should just know that she’s probably one of those people who fall more in the category of making an ass of one’s self when drunk vs. being a fun/funny drunk and she needs to know that moving forward. Basically, if you want to drink, know you’re going to get stupid and likely do very stupid things so be prepared for the consequences of that. Net/net, it’s best that she not try drinking again. • I told her I was proud of her for telling me the truth and thanked her for telling me. So, long story short, here’s my questions that I would like to get some parental advice and insight on: • Should we instill some punishment because of these events (sneaking out, getting drunk) even though she was honest with me and told me the story? My inclination is to say no because I don’t want to punish honesty, but at the same time, I don’t know that just talking about these events is the right course of action. • If punishment is the right thing to do, what do you suggest? • Should I contact the parents of the party (I know they were home, my daughter is good friends with the girl but I’m not overly close to the parents) to let them know what happened? I know my daughter would vehemently revolt at that decision because there would be repercussions and it would likely result in her not telling me things moving forward. Is the risk worth it? • How should I handle the situation with my husband? He knows nothing about the incident and my daughter said I could tell him the story but not tell him when it happened (she liked having more freedom when I was gone – I’m the one that’s always talking to the parents, checking in, etc – though we see where that freedom got her). I do want to share the situation with him and though I’m mad this happened while I was gone, it could have easily happened while I was here. Any advice or insight you could provide would be fabulous as I’m sure there are millions of other parents out there needing the same advice. Thanks so much for your time.
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My 17 month started hitting herself from last 2 months. If I say no she starts slapping her on legs or tummy. If she is angry she does same. Sometimes while drinking bottle milk, she is calm but hits on her head...I don't understand why she is getting used to slapping. Is this normal behaviour? It's disturbing me at least... Is this is not normal, what should I do to get rid of this habbit. Thanks in advance.
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My son who has know just turned 5 has still been having accidents on the potty. I recently made him a chart and it has been helping. Now his preschool teacher has suggested he might have ADD. Now I am analyzing his every move and in worry that he does have it. He still acts like a toddler and gets into things. Also he does well with puzzles and playing by himself which I heard is also a red flag. I always thought he was just active like my older son who also doesn't sit still. How do I know if this is just his personality or I need to have him check out for ADD.
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I am divorced for a short while, after being separated for several years. My 16-year-old daughter is awful to me and she yells "I hate you" and even curses at me even in public. I am sure she blames me for leaving her mom, but my other two children (boys, one older and one younger) seem to be dealing with the divorce fine. My problem is that I have no control over discipline. I would never speak to anyone the way she speaks to me, let alone a parent. But since she doesn't live with me, her mother is the disciplinarian and always with my daughter. And I don't believe that my daughter speaks to her mother or anyone else the way she talks to me. I love my daughter, but I can't let anyone, especially not my own child, speak to me in such a terrible way. When I can pick the kids up, she never wants to come, but the boys and I have a good time together. I don't know what to do.
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How can I motivate my messy teen to clean up his room?
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I am a single mother trying to raise a 13-year-old boy. When I caught him stealing cigarettes and booze, I grounded him, told him I contacted to the sheriff, took the door off his room and explained to him that the decisions he is making now will affect the rest of his life. I have absolutely no idea if this is going to make a lasting impression. How can I know if what I am doing is making a difference?
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With the summer coming I love to expose my children to new things but it is so hard to get them to try things. I want them to experience reading, activity, music and new places. But everything is met with a struggle. It's tough to keep trying. Any ideas?
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I really want to avoid the yelling but I have to ask my son to do something three or four times before he will actually do it on most days. I finally get so frustrated that he isn't doing what I ask that I yell at him to do it. Then he does whatever it is that I asked. I know I am encouraging him to yell and carry on, but how do I get him to listen the first time that I ask and avoid the yelling?
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I have four kids, ages 3, 5, 7 and 12, whom I have to ask multiple times to get them to do anything, and then they don't do a very good job of it. What can I do to make them respect me more and get their daily tasks done?
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Now that my oldest son is 10, I feel he's old enough to help out more around the house. He is already tidying his room on a weekly basis, but I would like him to help with things like setting the table for dinner and emptying the trash in the bathrooms. My husband thinks we should give him a weekly allowance for these extra tasks, but I disagree. Helping around the house should be part of living in the house. At what point do you think children need to be compensated for doing work around the house? And how much is fair?
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My sophomore loves to go to parties with juniors and seniors and to stay out late. What's an appropriate curfew for a sophomore in high school?
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Is it ok if I check my kids text messages and email? I don't suspect anything wrong but a friend's child was recently caught sexting and I would not have suspected her child of doing that either. It's just that I know our kids make mistakes and one like this could be costly and I would like to avoid it.
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Now that I'm a new mom, I am drifting apart from my best friend, who doesn't have kids? I really want to remain friends, but my life has radically changed and it seems as if we don't have common interests any more. Any advice on how to maintain the friendship? She is important to me.
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For the last six months I've been getting together with a group of new mothers. We all have the same question: How can we get our husband to help more with the baby?
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My 17-month-old has slapped my face twice in the last week when I was doing something he didn't like -- namely, putting on his jacket and changing his diaper. He yells, 'No, Mommy, no,' and wham! Right across the face. I've never hit him and he hasn't witnessed hitting at home. Where did this come from and more importantly, how can I stop this behavior?
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My five year old son won't say he doesn't love the new baby. We try and spend one on one time with him, but it never seems to be enough. The baby is now ten months old and is starting to get into the 5-year-old things which will make things even worse. What can I do?
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The minute my husband gets home from work, he's lying on the sofa flipping channels. He likes to watch violent action movies, and refuses to believe this will affect our 11-month-old. We argue about him watching TV while she's awake -- his idea of looking after and playing with her is letting her roam around the room while he lies there. How can I convince him how damaging this is?
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My five year old doesn't listen well to instructions in school. I have tried preparing him each morning about being a good listener, but it doesn't stick. The teachers feel he is behaving badly, but he really gets excited about the activities and just isn't good about the strict rules, i.e. stay in line, etc. I understand he has to comply but also get it that he is only five. How do I deal with this, and I'm not sure if I am asking about dealing with my son or the school???
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My teenage son has not been doing his homework, and we have punished him for it. He has forged our signature on the forms and is now threatened with suspension. He was in top class til last year. Why is he lying why does he feel unable to come to us for help till it's too late?
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My 5 year old left our yard and went running around the neighborhood without permission. When he did this I smacked him on the bottom hard once. Sent him to his room. This was the second time he did this. My husband now tells him he has to stay in the house and not play outside for 3 days. I think this is extreme for a 5 yr old? What do you think?
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My 4 year old son has uncontrollable tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants. It's especially embarrassing in places like restaurants or the grocery store. Do you have any tips on how I can calm his outbreaks without giving into him?
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I have two teenagers. My daughter (17) is very mature and disciplined. School is her priority and has great friends. My son is in his first year of high school and of course going through puberty. He is a very smart young man but feels that school is not important and not a high priority. I have tried both rewards and taking away certain privileges in an attempt to make him understand that he needs to be responsible both at home and at school but nothing seems to work. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can best approach this issue Thanks
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I was wondering how to have multiple drivers reimburse for gas used in a vehicle? How do you keep track of gas consumption, or should I just charge a flat amount monthly (this could be 'unfair' if usage varies). My daughter is home from college and my son is now driving. Since we live in a small town, bussing is not an option. I have purchased a good safe second hand car for them to share. I need to come up with a fair and easy to use system. If it is a log of mileage how will they first of all remember to log mileage and second do it honestly (we must assume the second). They both have paid a portion of car insurance- my daughter her first year, then she went off to college, and my son this year his first year. Any ideas? Thank you. I will also put it to them for a solution but wanted ideas first.
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How do you go about finding a quality doctor? My 16-year-old daughter doesn't speak to anyone, is angry at the world, and often has no interest in going to school. My husband and I just went through a divorce and she hates her father, though I am not encouraging that. If your advice is to go for family/individual counseling, I agree. My problem is that until we are in counseling do we get to understand if the counselor is any good. This is especially true for my daughter. It is hard enough to get her to go for help, but if the professional is not any good - then I have lost ground on getting her help. I am not talking about qualifications, I am talking about quality. How can I know who is good?
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I live as a single mother with my 23 year old son. He may or may not have mental health problems with depression. in any case, my problem with him concerns his behavior. During the last 4 months he has become, sullen, surly, uncommunicative, and vacillates between periods where he talks to me in a reasonable way (more typical of his past behavior) and increasingly frequent periods where he doesn't hardly speak to me at all, avoids me, stays in his room and goes out til 5 in the morning. He rarely does any chores around the house, and he's messy. I have to choose between picking up his mess or living in it. To the best of my knowledge he does not take illegal drugs. He has a prescription for an anti-depressant. I don't know for sure that he takes it regularly as prescribed. I feel that he is not taking resposibility for his problems. It am told there's nothing I can do because "he's an adult." I feel stuck, I can't make or enforce rules because "he's an adult" and at the same time I have to maintain the house and pick up after him like he was a little kid. We live in a sec-8 apartment, so we pay only a little bit in rent. In the lease I am listed as "head of Household" and he is listed as "other adult." I am currently unemployed and attend school part-time with a grant that only covers tuition and school supplies. He is signed up for classes at school part-time that he may or may not attend. I am thinking of just moving out. It would be a hardship as I have a little income (but not enough) and savings for a about 3-4 months. I feel confused, frustrated and alone. I beleive he is not taking responsiblity for his problems. I don't know whether it is CAN'T or WON'T. How can I tell if he can't or won't take responsibility for his problems? Is moving out a reasonable option? What rules if any can I reasonably enforce?
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Recently my son who is 16 went out to a friends birthday. He had a few drinks, many actually. This is something that I do not agree with and he ended up being very sick. I was not called till the morning that this even happened and was asked by his friends to come and get him. The parents were home and took care of him over the night. I was not happy with this. I have grounded him for two weeks from everything. What else should I be doing? I did say that the sleepovers are over and he will come home at a decent hour set by myself and my husband. I just want some advice as this scared me very much.
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My daughter is 3 years old and is asking about her father. He left when she was 6 months old and I am not sure how to answer her questions about why he is not with us.
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I cannot get my ex spouse to co-parent in any way. he does not return calls or emails, and exchanges are hostile - he openly records me or has someone at the house at the time I arrive then later makes allegations that I did something I didn't do. when I attempt to take a silent witness with me, he is aggressive towards the person or puts "No trespassing" signs up to attempt to isolate me from having anyone with me. there is a history of aggression and I had an exparte against him in the past for physically assaulting me in front of our child. we meet at the police station for one exchange, but for the other, I must go to the house. I pleaded for supervised or staggered exchanges with the courts, lawyers, gals's for a year, NO ONE would listen. Now we are divorced and I still cannot get anything accomplished. He doesn't follow the parenting plan, continually commits parental alienation, cancels doctor appointments. I make with my son (even though we have joint legal custody) and tries to deny me access codes to our son's daycare (and enrolled him in a daycare without consulting with me on the decision). worst yet, he got primary physical custody against mountains of evidence, on the basis of bringing 3rd parties/complete strangers to exchange my son which created conflict and attempted to paint me as an angry, unreasonable parent. I was always the responsible attentive parent. However he would not work, locked my 7 mo old son and I out of our home, then took all our savings, made horrible, false allegations of 'mental illness' which I had to prove were false by taking a psych evaluation. He also refused to provide his son any clothing or belongings out of the home, had a positive drug test and negative psych evaluation, hired babysitters with criminal records, on and on. The custody is now under an appeal process, but money is a huge problem. According to many, I had a "bad lawyer," and the only thing that can help me is a high-powered, expensive attorney, which I cannot afford. I feel totally helpless, powerless, completely devastated and alienated from my son. I do not know what to do anymore to respond to the situation or protect my son from my his father's lack of concern for his care and poor judgment and the conflict between us as I have tried everything available. i feel like i am going crazy, or will, if something doesn't change or i don't get custody of my son back. (I was a devoted mother and have NO history of mental illness, drug use, abuse, etc. yet my baby was given to this man on the basis of false allegations including continually manipulating his visitations to gain favor in his custody case - and of course, he had more money to pay the GAL b/c he took all our finances. These people are crooks and care nothing for the child, only who can pay them). I see a counselor to help me deal with the stress. have tried to return to school and do something positive, but can't concentrate on classes or much else. can't date because the situation scares men away! Thank you for any feedback you can offer that would help!!! My sweet son is now two years old.
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I have 2 boys ages 4 1/2 and 7. I feel like when they are home with me its like spinning plates. I go downstairs to do laundry and need to stop what I am doing because they are running around and doors are slamming etc....I am always in fear something has broken or someone has gotten hurt. I know they r boys and have a lot of energy but they r in constant need of supervision or else they get into trouble. I dont what to keep yelling at them and having to stop what i need to do in my house. I don;t want them to always play video games and watch tv to entertain themselves. Should I continue what i need to do and not worry about what all the running around is in my house. Its a constant battle and I dont want to have to keep checking on them. Are they too old to be doing this??"
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My 4 1/2 year old son has been having potty accidents for over a year. He poops in his pants and is constantly soiling himself. Its become very upsetting and frustrating. I have tried reward systems and reminding him to go. It also happens in preschool during the day but not every day. I am at my witts end! I always have to bring a change of clothes for fear it will happen all the time. He doesn;t seem embarassed at all by this. Please let me know what else I can do!
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How do you get a child who just turned 3 to follow the rules. My son since he could walk has been very destructive. He takes apart his toys breaks things if they can be broken. We have not found what he values yet. He has gotten minor, minor spankings that don't phase him but for a moment, the same with time outs and removal of toys. I love him and he is sooo sweet but a handfull. Very different from his older sister. Any advice???? He is also very strong and I think sometimes he feels like he can do what he wants because of his strength. I don't know. To keep hime from being bad I have to follow him around all day redirecting him. Trouble is just a few steps away.
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My son is 4 1/2 years old. Ever since he could talk he has been infatuated with tummies. He always asks me or my sister or my mom to touch our tummies. He seems very asexual about it and it seems completely innocent but I just don't know what to make of it. He even has torn pictures of women's tummies out of a fitness magazine I had laying around. He has become very possessive about these photos. Should we be worried about this infatuation? Do you think it is a phase that will eventually pass? I don't believe we have done anything to promote this obsession with tummies. My husband and I have just tried ignoring it and it does seem that the more attention we give it - like asking him why he likes tummies so much or how about he tear out pictures from magazines of other things than tummies - it does seem to exacerbate the obsession. Any advice/help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
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My husband and I are separated and share custody of our 15 year old daughter. For the past 4 months, she alternated weeks with me in a near by apartment and with her father in the house she grew up in. My husband recently decided to move out of state and I will now how full custody. My husband has asked if I would like to move back into the house with our daughter, since he will no longer be living there. I have presented this to my daughter and she told me in no uncertain terms that she does NOT want to move into the house, although she offered no reason for feeling that way. She got a little angry with me when I asked her if she was sure. I am now hearing from my son that she told her father that she does not want to move into the house because she believes that I don't want to move. Moving back to that house does not really appeal to me as it was very unhappy there. However, I would make it work if that is what my daughter wants. I'm just not sure how to get at what she is really feeling so I can do what is most comfortable for her. I am looking for suggestions on how to approach her on this. Thanks!
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My daughter will be 3 this month. I am a single mom going through a divorce, her father moved to another state about 8 months ago and she was not 'that' close to him. She goes to a daycare facility which she seems to enjoy, but I have been noticing for about the past month that when I come to get her, she gets upset and cries and does not want to go home with me and sometimes won't even look at or talk to me. This is odd as I have always been the one who she is closest to and I have been the main one who takes care of her. She doesn't have many people in her life for support besides me other than my parents whom she is not very close to and takes a bit to warm up to them. She has always been different that way with other people, but never me...so this is not only heartbreaking, but a little concerning as it is not normal for her. When I ask her about it, she says she doesn't know, but will sometimes say that she was playing and doesn't want to leave, which is understandable. But another concern of mine is I dont want her to grow up thinking she can be rude or disrespectful to those who are closest in her life, I know she is very young, but I just dont want her believing that is an ok way to treat people and I want to handle this the right way. Please help me.
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My 15 year od son left the house New Years at 1am, after my husband and I went to bed. He attended a party at a neighbor friends house. The friends parents provided alcohol to him and other teens. The father of the friend called me the next morning to say that my son damaged his wifes car while at his house drunk. I was a bit taken back since I did not even know my son was there. My son then lied continuiously stating he was not there. He finally confessed after much pressure. I want to address the situation properly. My son is punished how should I punish this parent. I am not a amateur, I have 6 children ranging from 26 years to 8 years.
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My 5 year old son is constantly picking his nose, picking his cuticles, picking at scratches and bug bites, biting his nails, and biting his lips. Is this a sign of ADHD? I've been wondering for some time now if he should be tested. He also has trouble paying attention at times--will completely shut you out if your are chastising him or if your trying to give him directions or if he is watching television. It takes him forever to tell a story, he never leaves out a single detail! lol He also is very hyper in the eveningtime. It seems like I can never get him to walk instead of run, and he talks extrememely LOUD. He has a lot of trouble falling asleep at night, but would sleep until 10:00 the next day if his father and I would let him. Do normal 5 year olds go through phases like this or should we be calling his pediatrician?
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My Daughters have just Dissed me as though I don't exist anymore! They are all grown adults, 50, 44, & 43. None live close by but 2 live only a couple of hours away and the youngest lives in another state. All married except the 'Middle One' just lost her Fiancee, who passed away in January this year, 2009. I am their 'Mother,' age 69yrs old at this point and 'Retired,' living alone, (their father and I Divorced years ago), with very little income to live on. Not nearly enough for 'Food' so I have to stand in line with the 'Homeless' to get 'Food' that's mostly 'Old & Outdated' and sometimes so bad you just have to throw it in the garbage! It's usually the stuff that the Supermarkets throw away. The reason I am writing is because I am so 'Hurt & Heartbroken' over the way my daughters are treating me. The 'Middle One' hasn't even spoken to me for almost a year. Anytime we had talked I had to be very "careful" not to say the wrong thing that might upset her. It seemed I could hardly ever say anything that didn't upset her, so I would mostly just try to 'Listen' and "Agree with her." I have cried my heart out at times and 'Talked and Apolgized' numerous times concerning the 'Arguments' I had with their Father during their growing years, (this is a lot of what they have 'complained to me about'), yet they continue to "Berate Me" and tell me "I was Abusive!" The funny thing is, I didn't hear ANY OF THIS until I "asked for Monetary Help," and some 'Repayment' of all the money I had given them for so many years, long after they were grown and gone!
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My 4 yr old daughter is not being treated fair at pre school. The school is Spanish and English speaking. She says that some of the kids are being mean to her. It is starting to effect her personality. I notice how much she has changed since starting at this school. I want to transfer her to a new school but there is a waiting list. What do I do in the mean time? Keep her home until we find a new school or have her keep attending the present school in hopes that things won't get worse? I am very confused as a parent. I want to do the right thing for my daughter, and of course I want to do what makes her happy. Sincerely, Confused mommy, NM
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My 7 yr old son has ADD and we have tackled many obstacles so far in this journey. However, we have run across one I can't seem to resolve. He isn't aware of time/deadlines. We have to constantly stay on him to get dressed for school, or eat breakfast faster, etc. He get up in plenty of time to take care of these things. And we get as much ready the night before so that doesn't drag us down. But if he doesn't want to get dressed in the mornings, he'll just lay there. Any other time, I could handle the situation with other tactics. But considering we HAVE to be out the door by a certain time to catch the bus, this is a great problem. Now he is taking his precious time to get out of the van and get on the bus. The past two mornings the other children in our car pool have already gotten on the bus, found a seat, and the bus driver was STILL waiting for my son to get on the bus. How can I get him to do the things that have to be done in a timely manner without WWIII breaking out every morning? I don't want us to leave each other in the mornings with feeling hurt and dissapointments.
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My 8 year old daughter has developed the habit of picking out her eyelashes and eyebrows. It start just after the start of 2nd grade. We sought the services of a Behavioral Therapist, who decided it was merely a habit (vs. trichotillomania), but who suggested an OT evaluation to rule out sensory issues. Her OT evaluation showed a slight sensory defensiveness, so we completed several months of therapy. This habit ended just after Summer vacation started, and has just started back up a few weeks into 3rd grade. My daughter is a very good student. We have asked her when or why she does the pulling, and she says that she can't remember, that she does it at "different times", etc. She doesn't recognize (or doesn't want to express) what emotions she's experiencing when she picks. In general, she isn't very good at expressing how she feels. How can we help her break this habit?
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Well here it goes I am not a parent I am a 26 year old daughter that has ceased communications with her parents. My father via facebook messaging would like to know why I have "dissed" him... actually here is the complete message: "Hopefully before I pass away I get to see and or hear from you again. WTF is the matter with you. What did I ever do to you to cause you to dis me like you have. Thanks for the MEMORIES..." This was written by a 53 year old white man. Where would I start? The physical abuse as a young child which became less frequent after my parents separated when I was twelve. The catching my father cheating on my mother several times as a child including accidentally walking in on him screwing another woman on my parents bed and on the living couch or that that's what kept me up some nights. The constant lies he would tell me as a child especially forcing us to hang out with the women and making us call them aunt so and so...I could go on and on here. He tried to kill me when I was twelve (figured I'd throw that one into the mix too.) I don't know if he just conveniently forgot about these things as he has mellowed out in his older age... but do I tell him these things...I guess the beatings are an obvious one, but I know he has no idea he used to wake me up at night and the times where he would disappear for hours into the bedroom with other women...I'm wondering if he thought I was too young to know what was going on...do i tell him I caught him doing these things when I was younger, I don't think I can, I think I'd rather just not talk to him and leave it at that, because what happens if I do tell him these things, I don't know what his reaction will be, If my kid told me that I would probably have to kill myself. Do I tell him the reason I don't want to have kids is because I don't ever want to treat another person the way you or mom treated me or my brothers. Really what do I tell him or should I just keep ignoring him
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My son is 6 months so I may have a little bit of time, but my question revolves around religion. I was raised in a Protestant family and my wife was raised Jewish, however towards the end of our days living with our parents, both of our families did not practice that 'religiously' (pardon the pun). Neither of us feel strongly that "our religion" has to be respresented in how we raise our child, nor have either of us been personally addressed by a higher power, but we both feel that religion can be an important ingredient in raising a child. Right/wrong, community involvement, hope/strength - that sort of thing. Any thoughts or suggestions on how to make raising/educating our child on both Christian AND Jewish principles/holidays work? Additional thoughts: My wife felt a bit outcast in school when Christmas rolled around and I'm not sure I want our child to have that same experience, but I want to keep him very open to other's views. One thing my wife thought of was volunteering on Sundays to offer the right/wrong, community involvement, hope/strength values we hope to resonate with our child. I'm very interested in your thoughts.
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My three-year old is being very rude lately. She is interrupting me while I'm talking to people and/or on the phone, and seems to demand attention when I'm busy even after I've spent one on one time playing with her. I would like to correct this behavior before she demonstrates it at nursery school. What is the best way to handle it?
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How do I address the issue and importance of nutrition to my son and daughter-in-law without appearing meddlesome? When he is with us, he seems to be eating all the time so I'm not even sure that is the problem. My Grandson is 16 months old and is still wearing clothing only up to 9 months. His parents are slightly below average in size themselves. In the last four months, he has grown one inch and has gained one pound. The doctor said she won't be very concerned unless she doesn't see a growth spurt by his 2nd birthday. I'm not sure they should wait that long to see if there is a problem. Other than his size, he is developing well - walking, speech, coordination, etc. Should we be concerned and how can I discuss which foods would be better to give him than others?
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Why do I lose my temper so easily with my children? I am not an angry person, nor do I lose my temper with adults.
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My 13-year-old son has come home from friend's houses with alcohol on his breath a few times. My husband says that a drink here and there is nothing to worry about. My husband is not an alcoholic; he’s never been drunk although he has a glass or two of wine to help him fall asleep every evening. We've talked to our son about drugs and alcohol, and we live in a good school district, but his friends seem to have lots of access to adult beverages. I'm so worried about my son, I haven't been sleeping well. Please advise!
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How old do you think a child should be to go away for a week with a friend and his family? Are there any guidelines to take into consideration to decide if your child is ready for this?
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I have a 13-year-old daughter and we are bringing her friend with us on a cruise this winter. How much freedom should we allow them to have while on the cruise?
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My 15-year-old daughter is at that age where she doesn’t want to spend any time with me but rather be with her friends constantly. Do you think she’d lose that attitude if we go on a trip just the two of us? If so, what kind of trip do you think a teen would like to take with her mother?
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I’d like to take my parents, teen and grade-school child on a trip that everyone will enjoy. We rarely get to spend time together and I’d like to travel in a manner that fosters us spending fun, quality time together. Any suggestions?
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I have a 13 year old who does not want to go to the grade school she has been going to from k thru 7. She insists that she has no friends and is miserable at school. She only has one year left there and I am not sure if I am doing the right thing. I have been researching other schools and was willing to send her somewhere else. But until recently I have had some reservations. I am not sure it is the right thing to do. She cries about it and she did not do well academically last year. I am at a loss and am running out of time. I am not sure that I am teaching her the right lesson.
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I was looking out my window this morning, and noticed a father walking quite a distance ahead of his little girl who appeared to be about 2 years old. It was easy for a car to turn into a driveway and since the little girl was so small the car wouldn't see her and she could have been hit, or the little girl could have run into the street. My concern is, should I have said something to him? We are all cautious of correcting other parents' behavior, but what if something could have happened to that little girl and I didn't point it out to the father? In light of a recent tragic crash involving a mom who apparently was driving intoxicated, I am taking the concept of accident avoidance more seriously. Your advice?
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My 8 year old, the older brother to his 7 yr old brother, is a know it all. Anytime I try to have a "learning moment" with him, he is quick to tell me, "I know!" before I can even finish my sentence. He is very competitive. If he doesn't win, he quits, pouts, or calls the winner a cheater. And he always speaks in coversation like he is the biggest, baddest, and best of whatever the situation is at hand. I've looked at my behavior and my husbands to see where he's getting this from. For the life of me, I haven't a clue! I am a very competitive person but just for the fun of it. I am a very good sport and have no problems losing. My husband I both are eager to learn, take advise, and hear others out. We are also not the type that has to be the best at everything. We both have strengths and weaknesses. I know this is a lot to address in one question. But any advise you can give would be greatly appreciated. This behavior is gradually getting worse and I'm afraid it isn't just a "phase," but a true behavior issue that needs to be addressed.
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My 17 year old son and two of his 18 year old friends want to drive from Michigan to South Carolina for a week long vacation before school starts. All three boys will be seniors in high school in the fall. I am hesitant to allow my son to go. I am worried about them driving through the mountains and the long trip. Neither of the boys driving have driven this long distance before. My son does not have his driver's license yet, so other 2 boys will drive. One of the boys has been warned not to drive so fast and also has issues with "road rage" (examples: getting other driver's back for cutting him off, not using their blinker when turning, etc). My ex-husband sees no issues with allowing our son to go, however I am hestitant to let him go. If parents were going, that would be fine and I would allow my son to go. Should I allow my son to take this vacation?
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I am a grandparent and concerned about the way my son and daughter in law are raising their children. There doesn't seem to be any structure or any time put aside as family time. They seem to be more concered about appearances like what they have, rather than substance. I would like to intervene and offer advice but I don't want to create a riff between us.
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I am concerned about some of my 14-year-old daughter’s friends. They dress in a provocative way and I am concerned they are sexually active and don’t know how to address the topic with my daughter without alienating her or sounding like I’m accusing her of something.
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My friend and his wife have terrible fights and it is probably best if they split up. The problem is they have a bright 4-year-old boy that could become a pawn. When you speak to each of them individually, they both claim that won't happen, but their track record is more of selfish behavior. How can concerned friends and family convince them to do the right thing and not just say they are?
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Nine months ago I married a woman with a 16-year-old daughter. Neither of us had been married before. Though her daughter is a good kid, recently she has become extremely fresh and ill mannered to me lately and defying her mother’s rules. The problem is that my wife lets her get away with it. I’m getting fed up and don’t want to live this way.
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I really want my kids to get off the couch, turn off the video games and get outside and play. But even when and if I do, there is no one else doing it so my kids come back in. How can I get them active without participating in yet another round of organized sports?
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No matter what we try, our kids gravitate toward the TV and video games. How can we make reading more fun that that?
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When my kids were growing up, my husband worked a lot and wasn't around that much. When he was, he was a good father, but I think it had an effect on our son as he seems to look to other father figures though he is now a young man. Is there a way that I can help to reconnect them? My son is in his early 20's.
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Am I concerned that my wife is pushing my son too much on his work in selecting a college. She is constantly reading about ways he can get in to college, but frankly he didn’t apply himself and got fair grades. He also isn’t motivated to do the college application and essay work himself. But instead of him getting on board, I think my wife’s relentless work is pushing him further away from being interested at all.
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My boys ages 16 and 12 have never gotten an allowance. They have received money as gifts some of which they get and some of which is put into savings. But I’m concerned that they don’t know enough and one boy will be graduting next year and off to college. Should I link allowance to chores? Is it too late?
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What is the best way to teach children manners. My children are 5 and 7 (boy and girl) and I would like them to be more polite to people and at the dinner table.
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I have a bright and beautiful 4-year-old daughter. She is very shy and cautious about everything she does. She is very apprehensive about trying new things and she does everything at a very slow pace. This is very frustrating and my husband seems to lose patience with this. How can I get him to calm down and her to speed up?
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My daughter is a little over 3 years old. She has no problems using the potty to urinate. When it comes to doing #2, she refuses to go to the potty. When it's time for her to go, she will ask for a pull-up and go to a corner. After she's done, she will tell me that she needs to be cleaned and will put on her underwear. How can I help her progress?
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My son usually prefers to drink rather than eat. I have the hardest time getting him to eat food, unless it's peanut butter and jelly, fruit (must be mushy, not crunchy), green beans or corn. He used to like cheese and eggs but lately he's developed an aversion to that as well.
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My daughter, who is 3 years old, all of a sudden decided that she is not going to take a bath. This has gone on for a couple weeks and it is so frustrating. What can I do?
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Our babysitter complains that my baby cries for someone to hold him all day long. I don't believe that holding a 6-month-old periodically throughout the day will spoil him, and it sounds like our babysitter does everything except hold him. Is this normal? Should she hold him more often or is his time alone helping him become more independent?
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I have a 17 year old daughter who dates a 19 year old boy who lives 70 miles away. She thinks she should be able to spend the night at his family's house whenever she visits because of the distance. Are we wrong to be against this. The boys sister and her boyfriend also live in this house with their baby. Our daughter says she sleeps in the boys bed while he sleeps on the couch. Any advice?
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I have a 4 year old that seems to always be in a "bad mood". I get a day here and there where she is very good. She listens and coroperates with everything through out the day, but most of the time she is very difficult to deal with. She can bring me to tears. She has become hateful of my fiance also (he is not her father)we have been together for 3 years and she has always been very close to him until lately. When I ask her why she is so mean to him she replys "because i dont like him". We also have a new puppy in the house that she is very mean to. She kicks him and hits him. This I do not understand because we have other dogs that she is not mean to. I feel like I have an angry child and I feel helpless because I dont know why. Please help!!
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My almost 15-yr-old daughter is an only child. She is a little shy & quiet. So far, she's not boy-crazy like others her age. About a year ago, we moved into a large apartment complex. When we first moved in, I suggested she meet the 16-yr-old girl who lived above us. She told me she knew of this girl & I wouldn't want her being friends with her because she was very promiscuous. The girl wound up getting expelled from their high school shortly after school started for having sex at school. The girl now goes to a school where all the expelled kids have to go which is very strict. Recently, my daughter has befriended this girl. She says the girl has changed & isn't promiscuous anymore. The girl's mother doesn't appear to demonstrate good parenting skills. She is encouraging their friendship because she knows my daughter is a good girl. As soon as we get home, the girl immediately comes over to meet our daughter on the patio. Recently, boys have been coming over, too. I really don't want my daughter being friends with this girl but, I don't know how to keep them apart & control the situation. If we ban the friendship, it'll just make her want to be friends with the girl even more. I certainly don't wanther giving my daughter any advice about boys. I've been trying to find things to do away from home to keep them apart as much as possible but that's not working. We had just signed a new 12-mo. lease before all this started so we can't move. How can I handle this situation effectively?
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My 8.5 year old son (the younger of two boys) still uses baby talk at home frequently. As far as I know, he doesn't do this at school or with his friends. Here are sample situations: - He is feeling anxious about something, like going on an amusement park ride he doesn't like - He is being picked on by his older brother - He is tired and/or in a bad mood We've tried different strategies to deal with this problem, but it persists. What do you recommend? Isn't he way too old to be doing this?
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I'm having problems getting my two boys, ages 7 and 8, to get ready for school in the mornings. I've tried putting them to bed earlier, getting them up earlier, making games out of it, etc. Nothing seems to work. They do lay out their clothes the night before so that's one battle we don't have to fight. But when I do finally get them out of bed, they just lay around and whine about anything...."I'm cold," "I'm tired," etc. If they miss the bus, I have to take them to school, they get there too early, and I'm late for work. I've tried that a couple of times so they could "reap what they sowed" from the principle. That didn't work either. And I can't keep calling into work late because I can't make my kids get dressed. I've also punished them in the afternoons by grounding them. That doesn't seem to bother them either. Please help. I'm out of ideas.
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I'm not ready for this. I think (but I am not positive) that one of my 13-year-old daughter's friends sent nude pictures of herself to her boyfriend. I heard a conversation while driving a few of the girls home from a friends house. I understand that the way I approach this topic is important so that my daughter feels comfortable in talking with me. I could use some help on how to handle the discussion. By the way, my daughter is pretty naive in these matters.
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Hello, I need your advice, my 15yr old daughter was caught cheating with her cell phone on a physics test? What punishment other than the groundin, taking away cellphone, tv & computer is left. Any suggestions?
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I have two boys that share a bedroom, closet, bunk beds, and toys. They are ages 7 and 8. When its time to clean their room, they begin arguing that they've cleaned up their mess but the rest is their brother's mess. Its a he said / he said conversation. I've tried dividing the room in "half" and each one is responsible for their own side. However, that didn't work when they decided to play on each others side. Then I tried letting one clean for ten minutes then the other clean for ten minutes. I've made into games and races. I've grounded them from their room so they couldn't make a mess. I don't want to punish one because of the other's messes...but I honestly don't know who to believe. I do know that my youngest likes to pull things out and hates to clean. But my oldest isn't innocent all the time either. Any suggestions?
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My 7-yr.-old Grandson is in first grade and he is struggling with Reading and Phonics. He is in a combination Special Ed/ Regular Classroom called "Inclusive First Grade" and he has wonderful teachers. When would you suggest that he be allowed to use adaptive technology, such as a Reading Machine, which I have observed used at higher levels of Education? Is he too young? I was thinking, he would be more likely to be on grade level with that sort of help. Thank you (I have been an Educator for 43 years)
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How do you get a four year old to stop whinning?
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Hi, My name is Nicola, My nine year old is having problems with our next door neighbours daughter. There is a lot of nasty name calling and sometimes it gets physical. Its been going on for 5 years and as we live beside each other so you can imagine how difficult it is. I realise there are 2 sides and Holly (my daughter) is by no means perfect but physically she is much smaller and by nature more quiet. About a year ago I stopped Holly from going round to play beacause there had been a row and Megan was hitting Holly and my son Luke with a huge stick. I could see them from my kitchen window so went out because i could hear my daughter crying. My neighbour came out too and shouted at my daughter and son telling them they were only getting what they deserved. I no longer speak to the neighbour and tell Holly not to go in their garden for fear of arguments, but when they go outside (which isn't very often now) they are being called stuck up, stubborn and even bitchy. Not the type of language you would want children to use so think they are hearing this from home. please help as i really am struggling to cope with this situation.
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My thirteen year old daughter has a boyfriend that I don't like. I want to forbid her to see him but I'm afraid she will date him at school behind my back. He had sex with another girl when they were dating last time. I'm worried about her because of the fact that she even wants to continue to date him.
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I have been divorced for almost 2 years and have joint/legal custody of my 4 1/2 year old daughter Madison. I am the primary parent of residence. On our divorce decree it states that we are to make medical, religion and school decisions together. I live in a better school district than him and I am primarily responsible for all picking up and dropping off. I do not want her in his school district but to attend mine. He will not budge. I have been forced to retain a family law attorney and with the attorney's help we are about to file a motion to get him to respond. Any advice?
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My sons are 6 and 7. I am having problems teaching them to take responsibilty for their actions. If they throw a toy down and it breaks, they will blame me because I bought a toy that was cheap. If they leave a toy on the ground and the dog chews it, its my fault because I didn't pick it up in time. They are becoming brats and I'm using every tactic I know of to help teach them there are consequences to certain behaviors. Any suggestions you have to offer would be greatly appreciated!
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My daughter is 10 weeks old and she always freaks out when I put her down for anything. Whether it's sleep, when I make her a bottle, or tummytime... is this normal? She didn't used to do this...and also is there such a thing as too much tummytime?
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We have a daughter that turned 18 in January. She is a Senior in high school. She has recently become involved with a 24 yr old man that works as a pizza delivery driver. We are extremely uncomfortable with the relationship and she is spending a great deal of time with him. We want to put our foot down have her end this relationship but we don't want to drive her out of our house and end up with her moving in with him. She says he lives with his parents. He is not in school and his only job is working at the restaurant. We need help in determining what steps to take.
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My 6 year old daughter has sensory integration difficulties (an overresponder with touch sensitivity to be exact). Fortunately, OT has helped considerably. Her ability to self-regulate is wonderful. My problem is that at night - on the cusp of sleep - she gets itchy all over. I can be sure that when this begins, she will be asleep within 3 minutes. This drives her crazy. In fact, she begs me to take her to the doctor (who by the way has no answers). I recently went to a Sensory Integration Conference and walked away with some suggestions. However, I would welcome any others. Note: It is not from dry skin or allergies. Anyone with sensory knowledge/neurological background may be able to help. If you have heard of such a condition, please help!! Thank you, Cheryl
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My husband and I had planned on separating in the spring. Although I hate to do it, I had agreed to move out in hopes that it would make things better for our 2 kids (boy 17 and girl 14). However, I am growing concerned about his ability to parent. He tends to be extreme, either very angry or too permissive. He has recently starting making threats to me (never physical) from which he later backs down and frequently changes his mind about things. He is taking medication for depression and claims to be clinically depressed, although this has never been diagnosed to my knowledge. We have never been fighters but now it seems that any words result in his calling me names, etc. which is upseting to the kids. Do I leave the house to keep the peace?
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My son is 23 years old and lives at home. My fiance recently has moved in with us. I must admit, that I have not been very good at teaching my son how to handle his money and my fiance has a very strong opinion on how he should handle his money. She tells me that she does not care how I deal with my son on money issues, but the truth is that she does and she is very quick to criticize my parenting on such issues. On the other side,my son, because he is not used to having rules set regarding his money, resists my attempts to get him to save more and spend less. So as you can see, I am constantly caught in the middle, between my fiance's critical opinions and my sons resistance. I am so stressed out about this. What should I do?
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At what age would you allow or not allow your child to have a Facebook?
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I have 3 daughters. My 18 yr old is in college and doesn't live at home. But my other 2 daughters, ages 9yrs and 14 yrs old want an allowance. They have asked to do chores for money. What chores are appropriate for their ages? I'm a stay at home mom and do most of the house work. How many chores and how often should the girls be expected to do them and should I pay them an "allowance"? I had to help around the house as a kid, my mom was a single parent and worked. So I guess I tried to "spare/spoil" my kids. But feel they should help more around the house now. The few times I tell them to help they get all grumpy and/or whiney and it irritates me. Any advice is welcome
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My 14 year old daughter was caught in several lies by her father and I. She was telling us that she wasn't seeing a boy we felt was too old for her (he's 16) and she said she wasn't. I took her phone away and saw she has been texting him for a while. She told another boy who has been a friend that she is dying of cancer and it affected him greatly. She has told another boy that her father and I physically abused her! I'm a stay at home mom and as parents we are involved with our kids lives. We spend time talking and listening and playing games and eat meals together. We love our girls and don't understand why she would be reaching out for attention in so many wrong ways to so many different boys. I don't believe she is using drugs or having sex or drinking. I believe she needs counseling, but not sure if that is going to help? Any advice as to where to go from here would be helpful.
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My 3-year-old daughter is out of control. She is extremely defiant, has violent outbursts, will not follow any type of direction, refuses to potty train, and nothing I do seems to work and it is tearing me apart. I am a single mother and I am awaiting an opportunity to finally begin work but my daughters refusal to potty train is keeping her from being enrolled in daycare making me unable to seek employment. I have struggled with some personal demons in the past and have been following the right path for 2 years now but the fact that I am being roadblocked from moving forward toward my next goal is incredibly frustrating and has me discouraged that I can't pursue my career and that we are stuck in my fathers house until she decides she wants to finally potty train. I do not know what to do and I feel like if I can't continue on my path that I may stray and give up. I am a recovering addict and I am at my wits end with this child. I also have a hard time maintaining my composure when she acts up and I notice myself becoming this ugly person and I hate that she does that to me. Please tell me what I can do.
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My son and daughter-in-law had some work done in the house and my 7 month old grandson was exposed (inhaling) to sawdust and bleach for a couple of days. We know it's not the best environment for him but we didn't anticipate this before the work began. Can you tell me if it will have negative health effects later on? They did open a window slightly and had the ceiling fan on for some time afterwards. thanks in advance.
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How much privacy should be given a 17 year old son? He has had a cell phone that I pay for, but lately has been acting so secretively and now I find he is locking his phone. I know I shouldnt be looking but I am so bothered that the son I was so close to now appears to be shutting me out. I don't fear drugs etc but I long for the closeness we once had. I am tempted to take his phone but feel that closeness and trust cannot be forced nor gained by this action.
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My 15-year-old daughter has always been moody. Recently (within the past two years) my wife and I have separated and will be divorcing. We have tried to keep the kids (17 year old boy, 15 year old girl and 5 year old boy) relatively stable. The problem is that recently my daughter's grades have slipped, she doesn't seem to have any friends at school and quite recently has not wanted to go to school. The parent of one of her friends recently remarked, "That is a sad girl." Naturally, I am concerned about her but if we (my wife and I) insist that she see a specialist, but if we 'force' her to go, I doubt she will offer any information about what is really wrong. There is a counselor at school we think might be able to help, but what do I do if she continues to say she doesn't want to go to school? Please give me some advice on how to help her. By the way, she stopped talking to me recently, but I am still letting her know I'm there.
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My 18- year old son who is a high school graduate shows no responsibilty, has no plan for his future and does not want my help. I would like to see him either enter college or go into the military on his own so he can find his way and have a healthy, happy life, but yet he still refuses any assistance or tough love encouragement from me. What can I do at this point? I cannot allow him to continue to sit around my house all day and play x-box ( I have taken it away now) or sleep all day. Also, I have another son who is 11 that is being negatively affected by his brother's actions. PLEASE HELP!
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I know baby's cry a alot, but our newborn (6 day old) baby has cried through the night and all morning. The only thing that seems to keep her from crying is her pasifier and feeding. We've noticed she is not burping much during the feedings. Could this be part of the problem?
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Lately, whenever I put my baby (5 months old) down, she fusses and wants to be held all the time. I want to to work on breaking this habit but need advice on the best method to use. Thank you
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When I put my grandaughter (11 mos) down for a nap, she normally fusses a bit and then goes to sleep. I cover her up totally with her blankie because, if she sees me or someone else leave the room, she'll start crying, although this does not last long and she normally falls asleep quickly. Today, my son-in-law was over when I put her down for a nap. Unfortunately, she picked this time to cry when she saw her mother leaving the room. My son-in-law got all upset saying that he shouldn't have to hear his baby crying. He carries her everywhere and does not like to hear her fuss much less cry. According to him, she has to be tended to every minute and to allow her free time to play is to neglect her. Needless to say, he left angry and I'm not sure how to manage this when he returns. Is he being unrealistic to think that his daughter should never cry? Or am I being a bad grandparent by letting my grandaughter fuss or cry a bit before taking a nap. I only put her down for a nap when she is obviously fussy and nothing is holding her interest. Also, if she cries for an extended period of time (5 minutes or so), I get her out of bed and try again to amuse her. Sometimes it's just false fussing and she really wasn't ready for bed. We are in such a situation just now and she's playing happily...but her dad is off somewhere instead of enjoying her company. Oh, by the way, it was he who suggested that it was nap time for her in the first place. Thanks for the input...
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How can I get my child to listen to me at bed time? Shes 8 years old
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Do you offer information about age appropriate television programming?
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My husband and I tried to enroll our 3 1/2 year old son in a Head Start program this year. He ended up on a waiting list, but then got called back to attend a local daycare that is affiliated with the Head Start--only 15 children are attending, but they're on the same program as the children at the school. My son has been going to the same daycare since he was 6 weeks old, and as much as he was excited about going to "big school" it was a very big deal for him to leave his old daycare behind....especially since his younger sister still attends. He has begun acting very....depressed?...when I drop him off in the mornings. He's even asked if he could come to work with me instead of me taking him there. When I try talking to him about what he's done during the day, or how he's liking his teacher, he never answers me and either changes the subject or ignores me altogether. This isn't like him, and I'm beginning to get concerned. Last Friday, he cried when I woke him up because he didn't want to go, was fine by the time we got there, but told me before I left that he wants to go back to his old daycare. His father will not hear of it, because it is SO EXPENSIVE and we were barely making ends meet--the program he's on now is free. His reasoning is that "Aiden won't always like his teachers" and "you can't protect him from everything". While I understand where he's coming from, I also think that we should do everything we can for his well being--at least until he does start attending school. Financially, we're comfortable now, but--as silly as it may sound--I don't think it's worth it knowing that he's not happy. Anyways, now I'm considering taking him to his old daycare as a "drop-in" when the school has there holidays. My husband thinks this will make the situation worse. What do you think? Any help would be greatly appreciated!!
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Please help, I'm desperate! My 6 yr old son is being treated for ADD. He is a smart child and his behavior has changed over the past couple of weeks. The dr has changed his meds but I'm wondering if there could be more issues than just ADD. At the 1st of the school year, he was excited about his new class, etc. He done his homework very quickly and was able to go play afterwards. Now, I can't even make him do his homework. I've tried everything I know to try. We've talked to him, set timers, made games out of it, spanked him, grounded him, took away toys, etc. NOTHING is working! Not only has his behavior changed in his homework, but he won't get dressed anymore. He just sits there looking into space. I can call his name and say "Please go get your shoes." He'll get up and go to his room, then a few minutes later after he doesn't return, I'll go check on him. I'll find him playing. I don't know if he's forgotten what to do from the living room to his bedroom, or if he is just being rebellious and disobedient. When we eat supper, the rest of the family is done eating before he even gets started good. Showers take him forever. His teacher says it takes him a good 30 minutes to write his 5 spelling words down on paper, once. I am so tired, and I don't know what to do. How do I know if it's an ADD issue or just a behavior issue and he's trying to push us to our limits? Any advise or suggestion would be great! I've thought of taking him to another doctor, but our pediatrician is the best in this area. I would have to go out of state...and I don't even know what to say....other than "something's wrong with him!" Please help.
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I am a single parent of a 6yr old and her father is in another state and only sees her once a year. She has phone contact with him but not regularly. My problem is that when we are outside playing with other children on the street they ask her about where her father is and why he is not here. My daughter tells them he lives in Texas and then they ask her why he is not here and she just changes the subject. I don't think it upsets her but I am not sure how to talk to her about it. I do make sure I spend plenty of time with her and give her unconditional love.
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Which organic baby formula do you suggest - Similac or Earth's Best. My grandchild has a delicate stomach and is possibly allergic to dairy products. My daughter-in-law is breast feeding now but would like to wean him off soon. thanks very much
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My 7 year old is in 2nd grade. We are having issues getting his homework done in a timely manner. He can take an assignment that I KNOW he could do in 30 minutes, and turn it into a 3 hour ordeal! Please help me teach him how to do his work and get it done. I've tried explaining to him that the sooner he gets his work done, the sooner he will be able to have play time. I don't want to rush him to the point that his work is sloppy or he makes mistakes. But his homework has become a very dreaded thing at our household, not because of the work, but because of how long he makes it last.
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To whom it may concern, I have an 8 yr. old son who was badly bullied in kindergarten and till this day, he still feels uncomfortable in school even though it is a different and much better school. He is seeking therapy and slowly gaining confidence in himself. I am having problems at home with his behavior when he does not get his way. He gets in my face and starts to yell at me and talks back. I put him in quiet time / take away toys, t.v. etc.... and nothing works. He just does not care about any of the consequences. I was advised to put him in quiet time sitting on the potty. This sounds crazy to me, please help me. Thank you
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My 10 and a half month old daughter is still not sleeping through the night. She began a routine of waking between 1:00 AM and 4:00 AM (sometimes twice) wanting a bottle when she was 5 months old (around the time she'd begun teething). We've tried letting her take a couple of half hour naps during the day, one long nap during the day, keeping her up later, etc. Nothing is working! She takes a bottle right before she goes to bed (and believe me, this child knows exactly when it's 8:00). It's hard to keep her up any later than that because she gets really fussy and cranky. Our 3 year old toddler also goes to bed at 8:00, so we think it's really strange that we'd have to keep our 10 month old up longer than our toddler. My husband has started to suggest that we try breaking the bottle/bedtime routine, but we've been doing that since she was an infant--it's like Mommy and Me time because I feel like I'm ALWAYS at work and don't get to spend enough quality time with my children as it is. So I read to our toddler and rock our daughter to sleep at bedtime. I know that she will have to get off the bottle eventually, but at the same time, if we break this routine, wouldn't that just make her get up more during the night? I just don't know what to do. My husband and I are exhausted, and it's really affecting my work. We've even began letting her sleep in her playpen in our room so we won't have to make trips to her bedroom in the middle of the night! Last night, we tried to let her cry it out, but that just made things worse. Is there something we're doing wrong, or something else we could try? We never had any trouble with our other 2 children sleeping through the night. Any advice you can give will be GREATLY appreciated!
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What are the effects of alcohol (one glass of wine a day) while breastfeeding.
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What resources are available to moms who want to receive "training" on how to be a great mom?
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I am having trouble with my five year old and touching the other kids inappropriately. what can I do to get him to stop? its really bothering me. Also out of my three boy he is the one who tries to push me to my limits about cusing and putting his middle finger up at the other kids What can I do?
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I recently found out through my daughters diary that she has been cutting herself.I am not mad or upset I just feel kind of numb. My daughter is 14 and i am a single parent. We have been seeing a therapist for about 3-4 months now. She had to fill out a worksheet before meeting with him and on the sheet she admitted to trying to harm herself. I never knew this and of course I was upset to tears. So far we have not addressed this in therapy, we have been talking about the same subject for the entire time we have been going to him. I don't know if this is normal or not. She admitted to my mother that she hasn't cut herself in 2 yrs. I don't believe that because in an entry dated Dec 07 she said she was back to her "wrist habit" this is what she calls it. I called her therapist and he didn't seem too concerned. He was just like oh Jeez, and said that I should go through her room to look for more razors. he said she didn't mention anything to him. Well I guess not, she is the one in therapy and yet he tells me to sit in the room also for the entire time. I would think she would be reluctant to speak about a lot with me sitting right there. However if I wasn't there I don't know that she would discuss anything with him. I asked if I should check her into a mental health facility and have her evaluated and he said no. I am thinking of switching therapist but it was hard enough to find him. My insurance company gives me a list of people who say they deal with children and when I call, they either don't see children, don't accept insurance, or never answer the phone.I called the boystown hotline and the person I spoke with said I should sit down and tell her that i know about the cutting and just talk about it but to find another therapist. I know her relationship or lack of a relationship with her father plays a major part in her acting out and her mood swings, he doesn't seem too concerned about this situation either. Am I over reacting? Do you have any other suggestions?
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I am a 33 yr old single mom and I have a 14 yr old son. I am in the military so there have been times when I have been away from home. Sometimes I have brought my son with me to live others I have left him in the care of my mom. Recently my son has been very disrespectful, lazy and not listening to what I tell him. He failed 8th grade so he is going to summer school to pass. I tell him to cut the grass and take out the trash and he whines and asks why do I have to do it and it doesn't get done for another 2-3 days when I have to raise my voice and yell. He then does it but mumbles under his breath as he walks away which enrages me more. There are times my sister will come and do it in the course of the 2-3 days because she can't stand the sight of the yard in a mess. He cursed under his breath at his teacher and he has been on punishment. I took the computer and the tv out of his room and his video games. While I am at work he takes the computer hooks it up and tries to get online. When I come home and see this again I am mad and I start yelling. I ask him why he does this and he says because I want to talk to my friends. These "friends" are people he has never met and he deems them more important than listening to what I am telling him. He has lied and sneaked to get on a computer so he can try and contact these people. He is not allowed to leave the house without permission. When he gets in from summer school he will just leave back out without saying a word. He comes back at dark or sometimes I have to start calling around and tell him to come home. He claims he lost track of time yet he wears a watch, when I remind him that he was not to leave he tells me I wanted to go to my friends house. I have to tell him to wash his clothes, take baths and use a towel and if something of mine is missing and I am complaining he will say what are you complaining for you have money just buy a new one. When I call all over looking for him and ask to speak with him he gets on the phone and I tell him to get home he blurts out, you're going to hit me, I always get hit. This is embarassing because he is saying this in front of people who don't know me and because it is a lie. Do I yell? Yes and occasionally yes I will hit him a few times with my hand in his arms, but I do not always hit him. I get so angry that I know if I hit him he will be really hurt. So I tell him to get out of my face go take his shower and go to bed. I have contacted his friends parents and told them that unless they speak to me or my mother, my son is not to be allowed over. This week he pulled his disappearing act and when he tried to sneak in I did hit him in his face and he in turn told me he doesn't want to live with me he wants to live with his dad, who doesn't live anywhere, he is unstable. He said the only people he listens to is his dad and his dad's mother. He said he wasn't a baby and I should stop treating him like one, I told him he was not a baby, but far from an adult. He has no job and no degree and I am the one taking care of him. He then went back in he house and took the phone and called his friends down by where his dad stays sometimes and I assume proceeded to tell them what I had done. That is also an issue, I have raised him to not tell what goes on in our house and he is constantly telling everything. His father and I argue because he does not like the way I verbally discipline my son and says I treat him like a baby. My son's actions upset me and I feel so worn out. I don't like to hit him and it doesn't seem to work anyway and my yelling doesn't work so what else is there for me to do?
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My 8 year old daughter has been sleep walking a lot lately. Is this something that I should be concerned about? She tends to come off as really tough, especially when she is hurting about something and I'm concerned it may be something psychological. Should I have her see a medical Dr? A psychologist or a psychiatrist?
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My husband and I married 2 years ago. He and I both have 3-yr-olds and we have a 10 month old together. My 3-yr-old son, Aiden, has not seen his biological father since he was about 14 mths old. Naturally, he thinks that my husband is his father. We've always planned for my husband to adopt my son, because he also doesn't have his biological father's last name (it's my maiden name). Last winter, I found out that my ex was in prison for dealing drugs (hence the reason we seperated). Last week, he contacted me at work to let me know that he was out, and while he was in prison, had time to think things over. He's never tried to contact us before now. He wants visitation rights to his son. He wants to keep this out of court (not to say that I wouldn't fight him), but I don't trust him and I'm afraid that even if my husband and I just met with him once a month to let him see our son, it would traumatize Aiden, because he's only 3, and is not going to understand this situation. What do I need to do? Would it be possible to go ahead and get an adoption under way so that legally, he couldn't get visitation rights?
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Can a mother who is breast feeding smoke marijuana once in awhile?
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My boys, ages 6 and 7, are very disrespectful. They think they can have the last word and speak to us however they please. We are very consistant in addressing the issue as it occurs, but it seems that we aren't makin any progress. We talk to them about what is appropriate ways to speak to us, we've used time out, spankings, grounding, positive reinforcement when they do speak respectfully....Am I doing something wrong or is persistance the key?
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In the middle of our weekly Family Meeting while we were doing an Encouragement Festival where we state to each other "What I love about (Name) is ...", our youngest daughter began to cry about the amount of statements made to her older sister in relation to how many were actually stated about her. She cried and said that mom and dad love the older sister more than her. She then got up and left the meeting and went to her room to cry for quite sometime (about a half and hour) My wife and I as well as our older daughter followed after about 20 minutes to be of support to her and seek to give caresses and other physical contact. She continue to comment how mommy and daddy do not love her as much as her older sister. It hurt me to hear these comments and not be able to comfort her at that time. How can we assure her that she is loved and belogs to this loving family so that we may diminishe the amount of these reactions. One way we were planning to address this was to only offer 1 one Encouragement per family member so it is equal amongs all family members during our Family Meeting. Suggestions, comments, and feedback are welcome!
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My son is 18 and a loner. He has had developmental delays since he was adopted as a toddler. He has made much progress in so many areas of his life, but socially in highschool he has no friends to hang with. His teachers report he is fine in the classroom, participates and is a hard worker. He has been to many counselors, and say to let him be...he is not bored being alone. He is never bored... How much time can a kid spend alone, watching TV, which I still have to monitor or he'd have it on too much, listening to music and reading? How can a person grow if they don't have (true) friends? My son is sort of Forrest Gump like...very sweet, naive and has gifts. Up through Middle School, he always had a friend or two... here and there...always someone if he wanted to go out...very well liked by the general poplulation. In highschool the maturity gap seemed to widen. He hasn't caught up...will he ever since he's slow to mature? I get very scared.
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I have a 15 yr old duaghter that lives with her mom. She stays with me 1-2 days a week. I monitor all her INternet traffic and IM and she was told several time I do this. I recently read 1 of her IMs and she is telling 1 friend that she has gone to 3rd base with another friend. traffic She is generally a good kid. What she says in person & what she says in text are 2 different things. I need advice on how to approach this with her, should I print up the txt messages and show her mother? If I block all her IM then she wold use her phone. I am against cell phone txting, and now I need a way to get her mother onboard as she was the person who got her the phone in the first place. I feel I am on thin ice but I can't let things go forward, she has a bright future and I dont want to see it ruined. Thanks
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I am concerned about the incident (June 2008) in Gloucester, MA where over a hundred girls, all under sixteen, made a pact to get pregnant. How does something like this happen!!! More importantly, I have two little girls, ages 10 and 12. I don't want to be completely naive and think it couldn't happen here, but honestly, how can I be certain to prevent it.
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My son is three and has not been feeling well this week, however he has gotten upset with me about having to get dressed or something simple and has tried to hit me. I put him in time out! Is there anything else I should have done? Thank you, Susan
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What do you do when your child says they no longer believe in God? My daughter is 16.
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My daughter is 4 1/2 years old. For a long as i can remember she seeks comfort by touching my neck. I think it started when i would nurse her as a baby, she would reach up and touch my neck. She never had a lovey, never sucked her thumb or took a pacifier (probably becasue she had me). Even now she is never interested in a stuffed animal for very long. It never really bothered me but lately i really want to help her find a new way to comfort herself that does not involve me. How do i help her find something else with out making her feel like all of a sudden i'm rejecting her.
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My 17 year old son wants to come and live with me. He no longer wishes to live with his mother. She is probably going to fight this, although my son has already told her his wishes. She is doing everything she can to delay this. Should I just take my son to Court and have the primary residential custody changed? My son is willing to speak to the Judge himself. Backround - I have been divorced for almost 20 years. I have been remarried about 12 years. My ex-wife cannot seem to move on with her life, and she is constantly causing problems for me and my current wife. In addition, she has created many problems for herself with the children and she is always trying to blame everyone else. Can the kids go to court and disown their mother?
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My nieces are 16, 14 and 5 years of age and their mother, my sister, has recently started dating this guy and she rarely pays attention to the girls. The girls feel neglected and the older one got into an argument with her mom and it was so bad that my niece told me and her grandmother that lives with them that she wants to move out and that she doesn't want to be around her mom anymore. Right now it's as if my sister's first priority is her new boyfriend. My niece cries to my other sister and myself and I don't know what to tell her sometimes. I want to be there for her but I also don't think that telling her more negative things about her mom is going to help like my other sister tells her. I want to sho my nieces that my husband and I are there for them but how do I do that without showing them more negativity about their mom. Also my sister is realy unfair with my mom and treats her like her maid and is very unappreciative. Should I mention something to her or leave it anlone?
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My 9-year-old daughter (let's call her Lisa) dances with a dance company that has its studio near our home. She has several very close friends in the company with whom she has weekly play dates or sleepovers. These girls are like part of the family to us! Another girl in the company, a year younger (let's call her Mary), has not developed friendships with the girls in her age group at the studio despite my efforts to encourage my daughter to befriend her the first year they danced together. Mary does not engage well with children her own age. Last year many of the girls, including my daughter, complained about Mary's behavior at dance quite a bit. I often heard that she was telling them what to do a lot of the time, or telling them they were doing the wrong thing and making others feel badly. Lisa and I talked about her responsibility in each situation, and what she could do to make things better; how she could include Mary. This year, there isn't any talk of Mary. While Lisa and her friends are nice to Mary and obviously have to work together in dances, they seem to have moved on and are no longer concerned about Mary and her behavior. The other girls are all very close and have fun together at dance. Mary rarely joins in. She seems content to just float around the edges (unless an instructor is present - in which case Mary is always right there demanding the instructor's attention.) My daughter and her friends have matured, whereas Mary has not. Getting to my question: Last May, Mary invited all of my daughter's closest friends, both from dance and from school (Mary lives in our neighborhood, unlike the rest of the dance group) to her birthday party. Lisa was not invited, but she did find out about it and was crushed to be excluded. Because Lisa had been complaining about Mary throughout the year, I focused on this with Lisa. I asked her why she thought she wasn't invited and what she could've done differently to be a better friend to Mary. I asked Lisa if in fact she wanted to be friends with Mary. We had some good discussions. Whenever Lisa veered off the subject and wanted to point out that none of the other girls are friends with Mary and they got invited, I steered her back on track. (Being that the only person Lisa has control over is herself. What would she like to do differently?) Lisa cried for a LONG time that day - heart broken crying, not tantrum crying - but we had plans to meet one of her dance friends later that day (Anne was getting her ears piereced and wanted Lisa's moral support) which would be a good distraction. When we met Anne and her mom at the shop, Mary and her mother showed up! They had heard that Anne was getting her ears piereced and found out where, and decided that they'd come too to get Mary's ears piereced. Mary's party had been earlier that day, and they had all just come from there. Lisa knew this, but in spite of being so sad, she did wonderfully. She was friendly and sweet and encouraging to both Anne and Mary while they got their ears piereced. A couple of weeks later Mary invited Lisa over to play. Lisa wanted to go and they had a good time. Mary's mother told me later how wonderfully they played together and said "we should do this more often." I periodically asked Lisa if she'd like to have Mary over, but she said no. (She had more in common with her other friends from dance and school - her friends that were the same age.) Mary's birthday party, this year, is next Wednesday. One of the other dance moms asked me if I wanted to carpool, which is how I found out. Mary has invited all of the dance group - even more of them than last year - but has once again excluded Lisa. Lisa does not yet know about the party but when she does find out she will be very sad. Mary has invited all of Lisa's friends but not her! The other girls aren't friends with Mary so why are they invited and Lisa is not? Mary has even invited Lisa's new best buddy who just moved here from N.C. Mary doesn't know this girl at all! My Question: How do I talk about this with my daughter, Lisa? (I think I should again focus on Lisa. Does she want to be close friends with Mary? - she'll probably say no. Have there been any problems with Mary this year - what is Lisa's responsibility here? Has she been mean/hurtful/rude/done anything to cause Mary to feel bad? When Lisa points out that Mary has invited all of the other girls and she isn't friends with them, I'll steer her back toward focusing on herself. I'll be calm on the outside "No big deal! You're not interested in developing a strong friendship with Mary anyway. You two don't click, right? You can continue to be nice, but it's okay to not choose to spend your free time outside the studio with her." But I DON'T feel calm on the inside!) And mainly - do I talk with Mary's mom? This seems pretty personal to me. Mary's mom has GOT to know that this is hurtful toward Lisa. Mary's mom knows that the girls she's invited are not friends of Mary's. I don't know that Mary has any friends, even from school or the neighborhood, that she plays with on a regular basis. These girls are only 9 and will probably be dancing together for years. And by the way, Mary is a very good dancer!! I am sure that her social skills will improve with time, right? Are we going to go through this every year - Mary inviting everyone but Lisa? Thank you for your help!
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My husband and I have been married 19 years. We have 2 sons, 14 and 16 years old. The 16yo has become very disrespectful to me, and I have lost my parenting way somewhere along the line and it continues to get worse. I'm sure it is because the boys are both like a "man-child", but at least I would think I could have them contribute to our family's household needs. I don't ask for much, and they are "golden boys" with needs AND wants met. My husband, unfortunately, is not helpful as he is non-confrontational, passive-aggressive, and has his own family of origin issues. Yes, I've created my own monster. I don't want to "bide my time until they get outta the house" as my husband suggests, because I love them and want to enjoy the few years we have left with them at home full time. They are great kids, but need to be full members of our family while allowing them to learn independence. My husband and I have gone to 3 or 4 marriage counselors, but anything we discuss is amazingly "my" problem and we never have focused on his portion of the responsibility. I grew up with significant molestation/abuse, but have had a lot of individual therapy that has allowed me to become the strong woman I am today. I am on Adderall (ADHD) and also go to my therapist on a regular basis to unload day-to-day stresses. I need to change what I am doing so my family responds differently to me, but I don't know what. I don't know where my power is, IF I ever had it! HELP?!?!
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How do we talk to our 6 ½ year old son about the illness and potential death of a family member? His grandfather (my father) has quite suddenly become very ill and has been hospitalized. He has pneumonia and they subsequently have found some unexplained bleeding and that he has leukemia (quite a shock as he was walking around just a few days ago). All this to say that he is up against quite a few challenges, any one of which could be fatal. Taken all together, his prognosis is not very good. We want to talk to our son about his grandfather and aren’t sure what to say to him or how to present the situation to him. He knows that Granddad is very sick and in the hospital. He also knows that I am spending a lot of time there. Any advice would be appreciated.
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My spirited son (as defined by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka in "raising your spirited child") will be 4 yrs old in one month. I've always found that allowing him to watch tv ends up being a huge battle and constant behavior problems so I'd generally kept it off unless I put it on for them to watch. He's gotten too clever and he's now figured out how to plug it in if I've unplugged it and how to plug in the cable if I've taken that off. And he's gotten manipulative about it, he'll turn it on the minute I'm not in the room or the minute he knows I can't hear that it is on even after me telling him not to turn it on. I'm sure it's become a game and a power struggle with him but I'm getting frustrated with the issue. He's also started to wake very early (5:45am) and I'm sure the draw is to see if he can watch tv. I wonder if it has become the forbidden fruit? It's not that I want to ban it entirely but I also don't want him to think he can go behind his parent's backs if we're not watching. He doesn't list to "you can watch for this time" and he continues to turn it on at every chance. I run a home daycare so my only real rule needs to be that it is not on when the other kids are here as then I have 5 kids glued to the tv! I need some advice to end this struggle once and forall.
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My 17-year-old daughter has a close girlfriend whose mother is dying of cancer, with just months to live. We talk about prayer and miracles, but the day-to-day reality is that her friend calls her and cries (she lives about 30 minutes away) and so my daughter cries and then takes several hours to recover. It's impacting her sleep and her homework. How can I help her help this friend? We only know the parents to speak to; there are five older siblings but they're all out of the house and don't seem very close-knit as a family.
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I have three boys ages 7, 4 1/2 and 2 1/2. My question has to do with my oldest son. Since I can remember he has always been someone who needs things to go perfectly. If something happens he can't bounce back or blow it off. For example tonight he had a cub scout hike and was very excited to do it. When we got there he was playing with the other kids, he tripped and fell but DID NOT GET HURT and then from there it went all down hill. First he started crying then he started saying he wanted to go home. I tried consoling him I tried distracting. I seem to make it worse. I just do not know what to do anymore. I feel like he is going to grow being disappointed in many things because he never just lets it go. Please help
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My oldest daughter is eighteen years old, but since she was sixteen, she has been going out with this boy named Gustavo. He is a good boy and I know his family, but he is a very jealous person. He doesn't want my daughter to go out with anybody. In the two years of their relationship they have broken up a lot of times but he always convices her to continue with him. My daughter doesn't like the authoritarian way he treats her, but she says that she loves him. I try to explain her that this relationship is not going to work, but I think that the more I refuse to this relationship my daughter as an adolecence is going to do the opposite. Even though she is a good student, I'm afraid that in the future this will affect her grades. How can I help my daughter with this relationship?
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My oldest son Freddy is 8 years old and he is in second grade. Since he began school I noticed that he had problems in focusing in the class. First I thought it was normal because he was in kinder-grade and he was the kind of child that gets distracted very easily, but now that he is in second grade he is still with the same problems. In consequence his teacher told me, that if he doesn't improve his grades he is not going to pass the year. How can I help my son?
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My daughter is 9 1/2 and has hair on her upper lip. Our neighbor, who is the same age, also has upper lip hair but her mother waxes it off. The neighbor told my daughter about the waxing and said it hurts. My daughter told me about it. My daughter has not asked me to do her face and does not seem bothered by the upper lip hair. I think 9 years old is too young to wax, but if my daughter asks about it what should I do?
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We have a 10yr old girl,an 8yr old boy and a 5yr old girl. Our 8yr old son would constantly say "you see I can't do it", "I'm dumb", "I can't do anything". Although he still has a short fuse and gets frustrated easily when he can't do something or learn something new he does it less now. I have noticed that my husband is also very negative when it comes to himself and my son is a lot like my husband in many ways. My daughters have never had this issue. My husband and I are always cheering him on and telling him he can do anything but once in a while he is still negative. I'm afraid this will damage his self-esteem. We try to give each child time for themselves and he really enjoys that. What else can we do to keep him from thinking so negative of himself?
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What is the healthiest thing for my eight year old boy to eat and drink before playing sports?
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When my daughter was little, she liked to talk pretending that she have an imaginary friend, and I thought that was normal. Now she is 13 years old and I found out that she is still talking as she is having a conversation with somebody else but she is alone. When I asked her who is she talking with, she got mad. It is normal that she talks by herself or it is something wrong with her. What can I do to help her if there is something wrong?
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My teenage daughter who is in high school is starting to go to parties. I am very worried that she will fall into the wrong crowd or slip into bad habits. Besides having an open relationship and talking to her what else can I do to show her the right track? I do not want the information coming from her "oldfashioned" mom who does not know what is going on.
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My son is 7 yrs. old he will turn eight in April. He has a tic. It started last year. It comes and goes. I have noticed that when he is nervous or anxious he does it. When he is calm or relaxed in his daily schedule it stops. What I mean by comes and goes is that sometimes he'll stop for months and then it comes back. The tic is not always the same. It is like a habit. He sometimes turns his head and at times he just raises his lips like if he were smelling something.I want to know what I can do. I have taken him to the doctor and they have done a cat scan and MRI.They came back negative. It seems to be emotional. what can we do at home to relax him? He also has a quick temper and is really hard on himself. If we play games together he gets sooo mad whan he doesnt win.I would appreciate any suggestions. thank you
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I have a six year old son and he is showing signs of having Attention Deficit Disorder(ADD). Although he really needs the help now and I realize that going through the process can take weeks even months to find the right medication. I realize that if I do choose to put him on medication it will take a while to find the correct brand and dosage. How can I help him concentrate with out having to put him through the process of getting him on medication?
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Mi nice is sixteen years old. She is so quiet and she doesn't want to go to parties or go to the movies with her friends. what should i do?
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I am concerned about losing my patience with my children over trivial things. I don't want that to be how they remember their childhood or my mothering. I try to lighten up, but it isn't working. Any ideas?
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I know that I'm not supposed to say anything negative to my children about my ex-husband. But it is difficult as I struggle financially and he treats the children to lavish gifts and trips when he has them. What can I do about this?
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What is my responsibility regarding other people's children? I heard about the behavior of some of my teen daughter's friends; drinking and some sexual behavior. Should I call their parents or does that depend on my relationship with the other moms?
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My five-year-old son loves toilet-talk. Nothing is funnier than a poo-poo or bum joke. And if he finds it funny once, you can bet he’ll find it funny 20 more times. How do I get him to tone it down?
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My two-year-old daughter will sit with us at the table and eat — usually. My question is — should I have her eat if she doesn’t want to? Should I force her to try new foods? Should I make her sit there until her plate is clean or until she’s eaten two bites of peas? If she asks to leave the table before her father and I are finished eating, do I let her?
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My three-year-old son refuses to learn. I have tried to teach him letters, numbers and sounds during play, but the instant I start, he leaves. If I say, “Let’s count the cookies before we eat them,” he will walk away. If I spell his name in playdough, he will leave the table. He still enjoys playing with puzzles and reading books. He will be starting JK in September and I’m concerned: Is it too early for me to worry about his lack of interest in anything “educational”?
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My husband and I disagree on discipline. He was raised to believe that spanking is ok, and I don't believe it is. We have a toddler going through a normal bit of defiance, but the problem now rests with us disagreeing on how to handle it. I want to use time-outs and he wants to lightly spank our son. Any advice?
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My 10-year-old daughter is smart, but seems so scattered! She doesn’t keep proper track of her homework and school projects — even though she has an agenda and regular reminders from both her teacher and me. Should I continue to remind her and check up on her, or let her fall behind in the hope that this will teach her to be more organized?
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During playtime, our two-year-old lets other kids bully her. If she is on a swing and another child tries to shove her off, she will immediately get down and let the other child sit. How can we teach her to stand up for herself?
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My husband is excited about getting our four-year-old son involved in a variety of sports. He has signed him up on a hockey team twice per week and enrolled him in skating school, and now wants to look into swimming lessons. Our boy just started pre-kindergarten and I’m worried that school plus all of these new activities will be overwhelming for him. How much is too much at age four?
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I feel as if I'm constantly trying to catch up with everything I have to do because of my job and raising my children. Although my husband helps, it sometimes takes it toll on me and I'm missing the fun of spending time with my children because of all the things that have to do done. I feel terrible about this. Anything I can do?
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I have been babysitting my grandson since he was three months old. Now his mother wants to put him in a child care centre two mornings a week so he can socialize with other kids. I feel, at just 35 months, it would be traumatic to drop him off in an unfamiliar place with strangers. Am I correct?
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I picked up my 14-year-old daughter’s cellphone by mistake and saw a number of messages to her from a “boy” named Michael. He was saying he loved her and that he was disappointed the photo she sent wasn’t nude. We’ve talked about Internet predators and she says she gets it — so how should I handle this? I’ve been gently asking her about her cyberfriends and she gives me information on everybody except Michael.
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What is the best way to discipline a toddler? I hear so much about time-outs but do they really work? I would love a 'how-to' book on discipline.
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As an adult, I recognize the importance of maintaining friendships. But I watch my 16-year-old daughter and her friends and can't help but be concerned about the nastiness and two-faced behavior. Is there anything I can do to step in and stop it before someone is hurt?
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My son is in the 3rd grade. Since last year he is being ignored by classmates; I've witnessed this when I dropped him off at school. He would walk into the small gathering of boys and they would stand in front of him to exclude him. He isn't invited to any parties or playdates, and although I realize there isn't much I can do about this, it is heart-breaking. The other day, a boy hit him in the eye, and he wears glasses. I plan to go to the school to discuss what programs they might present to the students on bullying and empathy, but I don't have any other ideas. And, since he is only in the 3rd grade, we have such a long way to go; I hate that my child will be excluded from everything. By the way, he is a good boy and a good student - the teachers love him and so do his older sisters and entire family. Any advice is appreciated.
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Recently we found out that our 14 year old son has been sneaking alcohol in our home. My husband and I are having marital problems. I know 14 year olds have been known to experiment, but my concern is that he may be turning to alcohol as a stress reliever to deaden stress he may feel within our home. How do we approach this topic?
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I am in need of some advice, guidance, suggestions, etc… regarding social development and developmental milestones for 3-4 year olds. My husband and I have 3 years-5 month old twins and are in a private preschool that is affiliated with our synagogue. Their 3-year old class meets three mornings a week from 9am-12:45pm. We had our mid-year parent-teacher conference last week. Miranda is doing wonderfully! However, Liam on the other hand, the teacher and school director have multiple concerns about -- transition issues, larger group activity aclamation and participation, social 'maladjustment', sharing, getting frustrated easily, self discipline, attention span difficulties. Please note these are my 'labels' of the issues, as the school director and teacher had difficulty labelling and providing concrete examples, but rather more generalities. The largest issue with Liam is his biting. He bites other children (boys, not girls) not out of meanness or maliciousness, but because he is frustrated with sharing a toy or cannot communicate his need or desire to the other child. To date this has happened about 3 or 4 times. None of which has gone through the skin, or even close thankfully! (It should be noted that he was a late talker - he did have early intervention services for speech, but tested out of receiving services at the 3 year old evaluation.) The interesting thing is that Liam is a very different child in small individual settings versus in a classroom environment apparently. At home he attends to task, follows directions, shares with his sister, has a long attention span for his toys and games. When we go out and see other family and friends he is a very social, loveable child - always cooperative and plays nicely without much discipline needed. Back to preschool thing - the director and teacher recommended that Liam be developmentalally evaluated. I am in the process of arranging that with the child study team in our school district. They want to plan a formal meeting with the team, parents, and teacher/director in the next couple of weeks, then do a formal observation of Liam in the classroom environment, and then recommend from there (additional testing or evaluation and/or feedback/guidance for learning/development strategies in the classroom). My husband and I are scared to death that Liam will bite once more and be expelled from the preschool. Additionally, we love him VERY much and only want to see him excel and succeed in the preschool environment, without labelling him as the 'biter' or 'bad boy' in the class. We feel like we are up a creek without a paddle, and have no idea what to do. I hope that my explanation was clear and succint. Thank you in advance for any professional guidance you can give me. It will be greatly appreciated!!
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I would like to know how to deal with all of this anger I sometimes feel? I often feel unappreciated and that adds to my anger.
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My daughter is 16yrs old, she will be 17 in a few months. My issue is my daughters attitude and mouth. She wakes up like she has an attitude and is quiet and to herself almost half the day. It is very hard to talk to her. If I'm letting her go where she wants to go or do what she wants, she is a happy little camper. I try to have conversation with her but it is like trying to pry open a manhole. She has been this way since 13yrs old. She trys to talk to me like I am one of her friends. A few times I had to get in her face and throw her to the ground. I also find myself using profanity and that is not me. I don't want to do that, but I will not tolerate disrespect. I have grounded her, taken away her phone and a week later she is back to the same mess. She is an Honor student and very active in sports. She is even a mentor to other students. I think she is crazy half the time. I asked her who was she talking to on the phone and she said "I don't need to know who she is talking to". I snatched the phone and hung it up. I wanted to shove it down her throat but I held my anger. I can't understand and I am just plain fed up. Please help!!
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I've a 5 year old bright girl and a 2.5 year old boy. I always find myself yelling when I'm with my daughter. She is always complaing and blaming others for any problems or mistakes. I've become a yeller. Is it really possible to calm down when my kids are driving me nuts?
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I have 2 sons, an 18 month old and a 4 year old. Neither sleep very well. The 4 year old wakes early, runs into my room and then makes loud noises until he wakes his brother and I up (he also does this during the 18 month olds naps - even though he and I are doing something special during that time). I have tried talking to him, explaining that we all need our sleep and that if he wakes early, he should try to go back to sleep so that he can feel rested for the day. I have pointed out days where he has gotten great sleep and how the day is so muhc more wonderful for him than on the days that he is tired. I have told him that waking people up on purpose is not fair. We have created a special morning box with quiet toys and books that he selected -- he has no interest in this and charges in our room immediately when he wakes in the morning. I have brainstormed with him about what he could do if he wakes early and we are still asleep -- while we may come up with ideas, he doesn't implement any of his own ideas. I have explained that he is not listening and that (along with not hurting people or things) is one of the two rules in our house and that if he doesn't listen when I ask him to be quiet the next morning, their will have to be a consequence. Taking a special toy away does not work. Taking a special privilege away has not worked so far. I am exhausted. Any ideas?
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My son, who is eleven and in the 6th grade, recently brought home a report card of all f's and one c. This is normal for him. How can I find out what is at the root of the problem and encourage him to succeed in school?
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We have a college age student who is having self-esteem issues that he’s had since grade school. Although he is surrounded by a large and loving family, he doesn’t feel loved because his low self esteem stops him from believing that he deserves it. Although he is smart, he doesn’t do well in school simply because he doesn’t try. This creates the catch-22 that he isn’t smart enough to do anything well which is also not true. At this point, we don’t know how to help him help himself. Do you have any suggestions?
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My daughter is 8 years old. Lately we've been have problems with her sassy mouth. She talks to us (both Mom & Dad) disrespectfully. She is great in school, both academically and socially. We have issues in the morning with her getting up for school. Her alarm goes off at 6:35 and she lays in bed after numerous times of us telling her to get up until we have to raise our voices and threaten her with going to bed earlier that night. Whatever we say to her she says she doesn't care (at that moment). We have tried to add it to a chore chart but that doesn't seem to help. It seems to us it is a control issue. What can we do? Any suggestions with showing us respect(she has no problem at school with respecting her teacher) or any suggestions with our mornings?
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I have a very hard time with my twin daughters (age 6, 1st grade) picking up all the toys they've played with. But, at a November Parent/Teacher conference, the teacher said she has no problem with my daughters at clean-up time. Help, please
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My daughter will be 17 in two months. She is convinced that she is a prisoner in our home that can't do anything that a normal teeager can do. In the last year I have gone from mom to step-mom to no longer accepted as a parental figure at all. Even though I am her step-mom, until now, the term "step" has never been used in our home. We have four children altogether, his, mine, and ours. We have had his since they were 2 and 4 so there has been no purposeful difference in raising them other than outside influences - absent parents etc. Someone has informed my daughter that she can become legally emancipated at 17 without any legal requirements. She is always angry and trying to get negative attention all the while blaming everyone around her for the negativity. We will not allow her to go to anyone's homes if there are no parents home. She is required to carry a "C" average in order to go out or drive. She only has four classes and yet refuses to even do any homework. We have tried to have a very open relationship with her. We found out that she was sexually active and that she had gotten exteemly drunk with some of her friends. So we explained to her that her bad choices will affect our decision making as to what we will allow her to do. She sits in our home screaming at everyone cursing telling us how she hates us and will be gone as soon as she is 17. She doesn't want to be here or at her mother's. She wants to live with her friend and her parents. We can no longer comunicate with her, when we try to reason with her she starts screaming and cursing again no matter which one of her younger siblings are around. I feel that there is a level of independance that a 17 year old should have but she never gives us no opportunity to offer that to her. Between sneaking her boyfriend in our home, whom she also screams at and belittles, drinking alcohol - which has also been offered to her 14 year old sister to avoid her telling, we are not even aware of how much she may still drink if at all, stealing our vehicles, thinking she was pregnant, the list goes on and on. We have tried to explain to her that this behavior is why we are not comfortable allowing her any leeway. All on deaf ears. I don't know if there is somewhere we can send her, or if we should just let her go. My husband is at a point where is feels completely betrayed and has stated if she leaves in this manner she is not welcome back, I cannot be that way to one of my children even though I feel the same. But as long as she has the option to keep coming back how will she ever learn. The more we offer our hand the more advantage she takes. I do not know what to do, where to go, and if she does leave how legally liable are we still if she make even worse choices.
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My eight-month-old daughter is not yet rolling over or crawling. How can I help her progress? Suggestions for specific exercises are appreciated. Thanks!
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My second oldest daughter started college this fall. She was an o.k. student in high school without really trying. Now that trying is required, she is failing at least one class, maybe two. I have found this out from other sources not from her and I have not yet addressed her about this. I know she is 18 and considered an 'adult', but this is our money that is being wasted, and a scholarship that will have to be forfeited due to these grades. There are no mental or substance-abuse issues that have created this situation, just a lack of effort. I am so angry. What can I say or do to get her on track about how important it is that she go to class and keep up her grades? And how can we as parents put some kind of check/balance into place with her to monitor her grades/attendance?
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I have a 20 month old daughter who is starting to throw fits when ever she doesn't get her way. She really knows what she wants, so for example, if she doesn't want her diaper changed she will twist and turn and make life very difficult. I have tried explaining that I don't like her behavior, I have tried ignoring it and I have even given in a few times. What is the best way to handle this situation?
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My daughter is 5yrs old and weighs 72lbs, I dont want her to have a weight problem growing up, is it wrong to put her on a diet and excercise program
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My eight year old is still wetting himself during the day. It seems to be when he is anxious or occupied with the computer. He also still wets at night so we walk him in the wee hours. He also chews on his shirt when throughout the day.
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My middle child is 5 and struggling with feeling left out. His older brother, 8, finds him annoying and often chooses not to play with him. He has become very whiny.
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My daughter is 4 years old. She has a friend the same age who she calls her best friend. My daughter follows her around like a puppy. The problem is that the best friend can be bossy. She often talks down to my daughter and will "dump" my daughter to play with another child. Yesterday she told my daughter "Allysa and me talked it over and you can play with us now." Even with this poor treatment, my daughter continues to want to play almost exclusively with her best friend. How do I teach my daughter that she should not accept treatment like this. Or will she learn this on her own? I want her to develop strong positive self esteem.
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My 12 year old daughter overheard me having sex, how do I handle this?
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My 3 yr old son is energetic, over the top, etc (spirited as defined in "raising your spirited child"). Everything is a challenge with him. I'm having a problem teaching him to value other's space and he just can't seem to stop getting too close to people or touching people. For example: we were standing in a line and the man ahead (that we didn't know) was chatting to us, my son took this as familiar I guess as he started hugging this man's leg and getting silly around him. Another example is that my son loves babies but he just can't seem to stop touching/hugging/kissing them no matter how many times I remind him "no touching". I think he just doesn't understand why anyone would want this so forgets. I find my self saying "don't touch anyone" but that's not realistic either. Advice??
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My daughter is 6 years old. I have a friend who has a 5 year old daughter. My daughter is very outgoing and athletic. My friend is constantly putting her daughter in the same activities so they can be together. The problem is, they argue constantly. My friend says they never argue when they are with her but I know that is not true because my daughter tells me differently. I really do not want my daughter and the 5 year old to continue to be around each other. The 5 year old is constantly whining and complaining and when she doesn't get her way she tells my daughter that she is mean. She is always blaming everything on my daughter and tattle telling about every minor thing. Now I know my daughter is not perfect and sometimes she is to blame but she is not a mean child and I can only hear that so many times until I get really agitated with this little girl. My daughter likes to joke and kid around and the 5 year old can not deal with that. One day I took my daughter and the 5 year old to the mall and me and my daughter were laughing and the 5 year old got so angry, closed her ears and shouted in this angry voice "stop laughing...I hate the sound of laughter!" It sounds awful but I truly cannot stand to be around this little girl. I would like to know why she might act this way and I would also like to know how I can distant this girl from my daughter without hurting my friends feelings. Thank you so much for any advice you can give me.
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What are typical responsibilities or contributions from a parent for a college age child? My daughter, 19, is in college in another town. I want to know how much financial assistance is a good balance for a child of this age and stage.
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I am the step parent of a 22 year old young lady, we will call Denise. I have known her since she was 1 year old. Her mother and I have been together for 21 years. She has an 18 month old little girl and she is not married. When she got pregnant, she got her own apartment, just next door to her mother and I. The father of the baby is not in the picture. Denise is a hard worker and does not party. I have grown close with her baby. She calls me Grandpa. Because Denise has to work many hours, in order to pay for her rent, her Mother and I are practically raising the baby. Anyway, we think Denise needs to spend more time with the baby and we also need a break. We are thinking about letting her move back in with us. Do you think that would be a good idea. I would charge her rent so that she continues to learn to be a responsible person. And I told her there would be rules. There is just something that scares me about letting that happen. Her mother and I have been doing very well and are happy with our Independence since she has moved out. Thank you.
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My two year old exhibits defiant behavior, primarily to mom, his primary care giver. This behavior includes throwing food at dinner, kicking and throwing objects at mom during diaper changes and hitting when he is frustrated or does not get what he wants. We have been unsuccessful in our attempts to find a way to curb this behavior, especially the hitting, which is unacceptable. We have tried "time-out", but aren't convinced it has helped. Many of these things began at a fairly early age. He began having "temper tantrums" around 10 months and he began hitting around 15 months. It has gotten more frequent now that he is two. Thankfully, I have been told he does NOT do this at daycare, which tells me there might be more that we, as parents can do to change this. While I understand that "he is two" and likes to push buttons, I am uncomfortable with the point we have reached. I welcome your thoughts. Thank you.
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My daugther is 15 months old. She's biting. It's not agressive - she does it when she's happy/excited. She has been doing this for a while, but she is also getting her first molar right now. Is there a way to teach her not to do this? And more generally, what are appropriate forms of discipline for her at this age? In most cases, I can tell her 'no' and she'll stop doing what she's doing (e.g., touching something not safe). If she does NOT listen, I'll REMOVE her from the area. But for some things - like the biting - relocating her doesn't exactly have the same effect.
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I have a 4 year old son who I am having a problem keeping him sleeping in his room. We put him in his room to sleep, he gets up in the middle of the night and crawls into our bed. We ask him what's wrong, he is not scared of anything according to him, we leave a small light on, and we have tried with the light off, he still comes into our room. As soon as he gets into our bed he is back asleep. We are having trouble sleeping with him twisting around, kicking etc. Ours is a King size bed and his is a double. Any advice would be appreciated
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As a stay at home mother of two young children, ages 4 and 16 months, what are some good ways to manage the everyday stresses of parenting?
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My 1st grader is wanting to spend the night with one of his school friends. How do I go about getting to know that family. I'm uncomfortable with him going until we meet. Am I being too careful?
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My son is 13 years old. His dad and I divorced when he was 3. Before that, I was a full time mom. After his dad left, I had to return to work and his dad moved away. When my son was 7, we moved close to his dad (where I grew up), then his dad moved to another state less than 2 years later and remarried. For the past 2 years, my son has been living with his dad and stepmom. While his dad and I can get along and talk when we have to, we do not see eye to eye on many things so it is difficult to discuss what is happening in my son's life on a meaningful level. My challenge is to get my son to open up to me about school and his friends so I can maintain a connection to what is going on in his life. He and I have a strong bond. I want to keep it strong, but he often gives me one word answers. If I ask "what did you do in school today?" he will say "I don't remember" or something equally vague. What suggestions do you have for maintaining a tight relationship with my son over a long distance?
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My son is 6. He is having anger issues and I don't know how to help him. He has always had a problem with this and its getting more aggressive. I know all children have problems with not getting their way, but there's got to be a stopping point! He kicks things, shove things, hits his younger brother, etc. if he doesn't get his way. We've made sure we have quality family time so he doesn't act out for attention. We make sure he gets to bed on time so he has enough rest. I watch they type of foods he intakes so that won't affect him. I haven't had any problems with with at school, it just seems to be at home. His brother is 5 and has started kindergarden this year. So after school, I am torn between two boys who want all of my attention so they can finish their homework first so they can go and play outside. They are still so young, my attention is needed to help them get started. He knows this behavoir is unacceptable. We address it every time he has one of his episodes. Please help!
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My 15 year old daughter seems to be on track in every area... I am crazy about her and have respect for who she has become. But she isn't interested very often in spending time with me or talking to me. She doesn't talk to me about what is happening in her friends lives much either. I know she isn't a gossip. But I would like to hear about "stuff" or just small talk with her... Is this a phase or am I in trouble?
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My son is 2 1/2 years old. Overall he is a well behaved kid except when it comes to transitions. He has a fit when it is time to leave any social outing like the mall, gym class, restaruants, play groups,etc. He cries, drags his feet, kicks, flails his arms and sometimes lies on the floor. I am 7 months pregnant and it is becoming increasing difficult to carry him to the car and and strap him in his car seat when he is behaving like this. When we arrive home, he sometimes has another fit from the car to the house. Before we leave any social outing, I always give him a few warnings letting him know we are getting ready to leave. I don't know what else to do. I am so frustrated and feel like I need to be confined to my house with him. I know that is not the solution. He never behaves this way for my husband. When he is out with my husband he does complain about coming back home but he has never gotten physical or had a tantrum. I don't enjoy spending time with my son outside the home anymore.
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I have two sons ages 8 and 10. What is a reasonable amount of time for them to play there DS's, watch TV and Xbox. Those are their three favorite things to do which can take the whole day...if allowed.
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My 5yr old has just started kindergarten. He is already familiar with the classroom setting from his preschool. He is not interested in doing his work. All he wants to do is play. He tells me often that he hates homework. He will sit there for hours just playing with whatever is in arms reach, ex. the table, pencils, paper. I make sure he is away from toys and things of that nature. How do I know if he is ready for school or if he's just being a 5 year old? He stays in his own world all the time. He can play for hours by himself and his belly button! LOL!
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We have a 17 year old daughter who is now a Senior. When she entered the 9th grade she asked that we send her to a local private school she did not want to go to high school with the kids in our area. She wanted a better school. She was accepted into this private school and her first year there she met a boy in the same grade as she. My husband and I were very, very sceptical of this young boy and kept a very close eye on their relationship. Over time we noticed he controled her, and the wonderful girlfriends she had met did not like him at all and kept telling her she could do better. She continued to see him and over time and listening to him scream at her over the phone I felt he was mentally abusing her. He has a very bad temper. One night she was away at college field hockey camp and we received a phone call at about 2:00 in the morning from her boyfriend who we guess relaized he called the house phone in error and hung up. We knew it was his cell phone number so my husband called him back and he had a friend answer his phone and they played dumb and said they found the phone on the beach and did not know who it belonged to. We knew it was his voice. The next morning after not going back to sleep we called his mother who proceeded to cover for him as usual and called our daughter a whore, and several nasty names. WE have had several bad experiences with this boy and have made several tapes of nasty messages left for her on her cell phone. He is very controlling with her and has a way of sweet talking her. They broke up several times and she met a very nice boy at work and was very happy and then her nasty boyfriend would threaten to beat him up and then she met another boy and he followed him in a store one day. He seems to get back with her through her friends he sweet talks them and they then feel sorry for him and they talk our daughter into giving him a chance. She recently did this and he and a very bad boy he hangs with were in her car and the girl friend that talked her into to being with him and he and his friend went into the store while my daughter was filling her car with gas. The boys got into an arguement with the store clerk and threatened the store clerk to have their boys come take care of her and mess her up. My daughter knew something had happened in the store when the two boys ran out and made her drive away at the time she was not sure exactly what. The clerk called the police an gave them her tag number which prompted a phone call to us. We were very taken back that she told us how much she hated him and to find out she was with him again just broke our heart and trust. What do we do as parents to keep this boy away from her she is such a good kid and he is bringing her down. Is the peer pressure too much she feels she needs to be with him? He has that way with her and it is so scary. This is just some of the issues we have experienced with him. As you can tell the parent does not care she stands up for him allows him to get numerous tattoe's and one ear pierced and when I told her my daughter was not allowed to hang around her son as along as he hung out with the other bad boy she got in my face and told me that that was his friend and his mother is a stripper and she is never home and she was not going to stop them from hanging out. What have we done wrong to make our daughter one to be with someone like this. We brought her up to be kind and always told her to think about others feelings and I feel that is where we went wrong. She is too nice and can't stand up for herself. HELP
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My 5 1/2 month old baby is a happy girl meeting her milestones. She is in daycare full time as my husband and I both work. Recently her (seasoned) daycare teacher is telling me that the baby spends alot of time "fetching" (not really crying - more like baby whining) no matter what she does with her. She says I must be holding/carrying the baby alot at home and she expects the same in daycare but the teacher feels bad because she can not practically do that with the other babies there. I'm not sure what to do. I hold her and use the Baby Bjorn at home but I also put her on the floor to play or have her in a baby chair or Bumbo chair sometimes. Can I wait this out?
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My son is about to turn 10 years old. About 7 months ago his grandfather passed away, due to cancer, and it appears to have impacted him more than we expected. He was never really that close with his grandfather up until the last year when his grandfather began spending a bit more time with him (once grandpa found out he had cancer). Since then, my son cries at night, not every night but quite frequently, as he remembers his grandpa. My husband talks and consoles him every time he cries. He/son states that he saddened for my husband now that he no longer has a father. He also expresses concern about growing old (himself) and fear that my husband grow old. He has always expressed concern about growing old even before the passing of his grandfather. My son is somewhat shy...not completely...but certainly not an extrovert. Note- My husband and his dad where not exactly very very close..they loved each other quite a bit they were just not the type to express it much. How long does this continue? Will it taper off? Do we just continue consoling him? Any recommendations?
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My son, 13 yrs. old, has been growing in the last two years as expected from his German background, I supposed. He wears adult-size clothes and 11 1/2 shoe size. He has become very unfocused in many things such as dropping and spilling everything, from milk to food, to not been able to perform two different things one after another. It's just impossible and he was not like that before! Talks lasily and walks lasily when he supposedly was hyper and over active! He's a very smart young boy but has a hard time focusing in his studies as well. From been a Gifted and Talented student, he is now just a kid who doesn't care as long as he passes his TAKS scores. Every professor mentions the potential he has in becoming a student that excells in all areas but he just doesn't seem to care at this point and I am concerned. Please advise.
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I have a 14 yr old daughter who lives with her mother. Her mom has not remarried. I have remarried and have a 4 yr old son. My son adores his sister, but only sees her once a week. I am considering relocating out of state for financial reasons. I also consider that I would be able to have more quality time when my daughter visits us. We are not sure if this is best for my daughter.
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I have a 17 year old son who is incredibly bright, very talented, but seems unmotivated. Everything he learns seems to be effortless. His School Marks are consistently below his capabilities because he frequently fails to turn in his assignments, or does a sub-par job. He is uninterested in learning to drive, and try though I might, I cannot help him to understand the value associated with getting a job. His mother and I have been divorced since 2000, and I am now remarried. His mother's stance when I talk with her about him is to become defensive and to accuse me of impugning her parenting skills. She does not like to push him and essentially turns every discussion we have on this topic in to a chance to extoll his virtues.... which are many, but that's not the point. His mother is afraid that pushing him will ruin his self-esteem, while I believe setting goals and achieving them is precisely how we build self esteem. My son is about to go out in the world and go to college, which we cannot afford. Thus far, he has done little to nothing to earn money for. Lately, every tactic I try seems to meet with the same result - passive-agressive resistance. To complicate things, he has few friends and also seems unmotivated to socialize with them. I can get him to do most anything if I take him by the hand and do it with him (study, set up times to hang out with friends, go look for jobs), but he digs his heels in when I ask him to do it on his own. I am at my wits end - he is such a great guy and I fear he is cutting off his nose to spite his face.
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My daughter age 7, was spending the night with a girl friend tonight, and the mother walked in the room and found them kissing. They also had touched each others privates. When she asked them if they knew that was wrong they said yes. So she asked why they had done it anyway and they said they did not know. How should this be handled and is this normal. I nor the other mother were ever involved in this type of situation as a child.
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My daughter 14 yrs of age wants to date a 16 yr old. Her beef is that he's just turning 16 this week. Her birthday is 2-2-93, which means she won't be 15 until next Feb. What are acceptable age difference in dating?
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My son will be 1 month old on the 19th of May. He was 8 lbs 1 oz at birth and weighs a little over 9 lbs now. He was in NICU for 2 days at birth because I had developed a fever during labor (which ended in a c-section). He was given bottles from the time he was born, which hampered our breast feeding efforts. Although I am still pumping on a daily basis (getting about 5-6oz daily), he is on formula for the most part. The nurses had him eating 2+ oz a feeding by the time he was 4 days old. (way too much I feel). Now he is eating (or at least looking for) 5-6 oz per feeding every 4 hours or so with the exception of the middle of the night where he will stretch it out to 6 hours. So basically he is eating 6-7 feedings per day. The pediatrician said he should not eat more than 32oz of formula in a 24 hour period. I am afraid that we will surpass that within the next month or two. This is our first child. I am looking for advice on how much he should be eating, and how to curb his appetite somewhat. Do I give him water here and there to tide him over or do I start cereal early? (these were suggestions by many older family members.) Thank you in advance for your help.
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My Daughter, age 12 wants to attend a party at her girlfriend's house which is a high school graduation party for the girl's brother. She says her friend is inviting other of her 12-year old girlfriends. I do not know the parents and do not want her to go. To me this is totally inappropriate. My husband and daughter don't understand why. Please advise.
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We have 13 year old triplets, 2 girls and a boy. My son has generally been a good kid at home and in school through the years. As he is progressing through puberty he has developed an attitude and a lack of respect for my wife and I and his 2 sisters, this is often very disruptive to day to day routines in the home. What I mean by this is talking back, arguing, not behaving properly...... He also has stopped communicating with us. so its difficult for us to help if we dont understand. How can we breakthrough to him ?
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My 16yr old is lashing out at me because she says her stepfather-to-be in 2 weeks has taken me away from her. Her father and I got divorced when she was 4 and he has never played an active role in her life. It's always been just me, my daughter and my 12 yr old son. I can see how she thinks that because I never had anyone to share things with except them and now I have the most wonderful man ever and she says she wants her mom back? How do I deal with her lashing out at me and her rudeness to her soon to be stepdad?
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My 9 year old daughter, who can read very well, is not interested in challenging books. I know she is up to chapter, but is not interested in reading them at all. She still prefers to read Dr. Seuss level books. How can I get her interested in something more challenging?
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My wife and I have a 27 year old daughter, who graduated from NYU with a degree in Finance and Information Systems, worked for a large corporation for 2 years, then decided to leave, take a massive pay cut, and now works for a large retainer as an associate buyer. She is not making any money, is a very bright child, and she just seems to be wasting away her young years of earning power. She wants to live in New York City, but can't afford to live there. At this age she can't even afford a place of her own. My wife and I seem to have wasted 4 years of tuition money on her, and we just want the best for her. What additional advice can we give her? From a Loving Dad.
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How best to advise children in late teens through mid 20's regarding their more relationships before they become serious relationships? once they establish that they are serious relationships? What should they look for, ask, consider before making more getting more committed in the relationship?
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Hugo is 13 months old, and after having one nanny in new york for nearly all of his life until four months ago. We moved to Boston, and have had trouble finding a suitable full time nanny for him. We've let two go, and are now on our third. I'm not sure if it's his age (entering into toddler stage) or the instability that the nanny situation has created, but he's becoming a very, very whiny and unhappy child. He seeks my attention constantly and cries every time the nanny comes (and she's really nice!). He's not even super with his daddy anymore. In addition, he is teething his back molars. I've tried ignoring his loud whines/cries to no avail, catering to him, and am now resorting to scolding him loudly which seems to quiet him (and sometimes upset him as well). I don't want to be habitually raising my voice to him and using a negative tone. I simply don't know what else to do. He will start his baby care school in one month, which I think he will enjoy. But with his recent behavior, I'm worried about his adjustment there as well. Any advice will be so appreciated.
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My 19 year old daughter has been dating her boyfriend since 8th grade. We are sure that this boy is not the one for her. He has gotten in trouble with the law dealing drugs and spent some time in jail. He has trouble holding down jobs since high school grad. He has many many faults that we try to point out to my daughter but she just "doesn't want to hear it". We have been acting as his sponsor when he got out of jail to give him a second chance and get his life together. He is on an ISP program with strict guidelines. His mother has her own drug problems and the father has never been in the picture. He was raised by his aunt and uncle. How can I let my daughter know that she is making a big mistake staying with him. I think she feels sorry for him and acts more like his mother than girlfriend. We are very distraught over this and need to get through to my daughter.
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My son (age 12; 7th grade) has had problems with lying and because of that I question his truthfulness a lot. We have told him over and again that nothing he ever does will be as bad if he tells the truth, and that nothing he ever does can change the way we feel about him. We tried a cumulative punnishment structure (for every lie; punishment doubled -- writing "Lying is wrong. I will not lie." 800 times was a killer), but he still feels the need to lie to us. How can I make him understand how harmful lying is to himeself and to make him stop? I have talked to him about (and he has seen for himself) how difficult his homelife will be if his parents don't trust him and not even that seems to be enough.
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My twins are 16 year old boys who have grown in the Church and have lived a very sheltered life. Will the sheltered upbring affect them as they go to college? Would freedom be so new to them that they would not know how to handle it and go overboard? How could I release them to the world? They don't drink, they don't smoke, they don't hang out, they do not have girlfriends, infact they have never been out by themselves at night? Is this going to be a problem at College?
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My 15 year old Daughter hates school, because it's really hard for her and she has given up and she is so depressed she always says she can't do it, and won't even try, no matter how hard she works she still belives she is a failure, bottom line is her social life is more important, and learning in school is too much work and can't get excited about it. I don't know what to do anymore? I lost my job recently also so my stress level is off the charts...I find myself drinking more than I use to, I'm losing my strength....self medication now I know why people fall in to it, they just give up.... I'm NOT there yet, and don't want to be.. Any sugestions!
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I am a mother of three; two fourteen year old twin girls and one eleven year old son. Awesome children!! My only concern is my son. Unfortunately, I have raised him to be overly sensitive and self-concious. He tears up when he is disciplined and he tends to need extreme amounts of reassurance. He is above average in school, very well mannered, behaves at home and in public, great reports on behavior at school and excels in sports. (I am not sure how I got so lucky!). However, he thinks people are making fun of him or he does not have any friends. He also gets upset if I do not tell him he does a "good job". How can I raise his self-esteem without being harsh? How can do I make him feel better about himself? My daughters have enough self-confidence for the whole family, I am just not sure what I did wrong with him? Any help would be greatly appreciated. My heart breaks for him when he is so hard on himself. Thanks so much!
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My two-year old is holding his stool. He's been doing this for quite some time now and is on a prescription laxative so he doesn't have any control. But even on the laxative he still holds it. He's a healthy boy otherwise. I'm trying not to react to his behavior hoping that it will go away on its own. Is this normal behavior? Is there any way I can stop it?
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My 14 year old is texting on the phone/and talking on the phone 30++hours a month in addition to the IM on the internet { She does play high school soccer and field hockey ---No drinking or drugs at all} She does mostly B's in school with little work put in. We try in instill that you need good grades to get into a good college to get a good job. We told her long ago any C's on report card and phone is gone during the school week. she is flipping out Is this too harsh? she also is very distant and does not talk to us parent's much unless she needs or wants something.. IDEAS???
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How do I help my nine year old daughter with her self esteem issues, when her biological father is of no help? She is struggling a little at school. I feel it is because of laziness and her teacher shares my feelings, her father rarely sees her and said infront of her and a room full of people that she should have never gotten out of the 2nd grade nevermind be moving on to the 5th grade next year. He seems to believe that she doesn't understand the basic concepts, and has commented that she doesn't even know the alphabet, because sometimes she mixes up the letters. Well sometimes I do too, that doesn't mean that either one of us is stupid. My husband and I signed her up for spring soccer hoping to help her self esteem, social skills, and get some excersize. She wants to play also. I want my child to succeed and she wants to please everybody, she can be a bit of a busybody which is another issue we are working on, in our family. Her dad seems to want to be the pal instead of the parent by undermining everything I say or do for her. I tell him whats going on with her and he justs laughs as if it is a joke. It's not a joke, she is a child. I believe she has friends at school it is not my job to be her friend, it is my job to be her mom. How do my husband and I help her with all the conflict with her biological dad? Trying to discuss anything with him as I have mentioned is like talking to a wall. Please help me, I love my daughter and want what is best fro her. She has a right to have a relationship with her dad even if I don't feel he is actually behaving like a parent.
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I'm writing out of fustration of my 11 1/2 year old daughter. She has always been a great respectful child until a few months ago. As we like to say she gives us a lot of lip service. She just doesn't listen anymore, for example we ask that she does not download songs off the computer without asking she says o.k. no problem then she goes upstairs on the computer and downloads. I try to punish her with appriate consequences ( like taking away her ipod for a week ) She apologizes and swears to never do it again 2 weeks later. This is on going of alot of things in the house I am at a loss on how to punish her. We have on several occasions sat down with her to talk she says she understands and is very sorry and that she wont talk to us that way, straighten up her act. At that point we feel good like we got through to her, but then she walks aways and does whatever she wants. We don't ask for very much. Her job is to do well in school, set the table for dinner and make her bed in the morning(not to shabby). If you have any advise I would apperciate it theese are small things now at 11 but soon she'll be 13,14,15 when there will be huge conseqences in life for doing whatever you please.
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My 2nd grade daughter is very bright. Her teacher tells me how creative and interested in learning and writing she is. But she doesn't want to do her homework by herself. From the feedback I get from her teacher, she should be able to, but she wants me to help her step by step. She gets very angry and upset if I refuse. I know she's little, but I think she can do the work without me and I don't want her to get dependent on me. I think that will lead to poor study skills. I don't want to just "tune-out" and ignore her if I shouldn't.
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How to deal with sexual curiosity of 13 year old son. What is appropriate? How to discuss without making him feel bad in any way.
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I have a 6 and half year old daughter, she is very sulky all the time and tends to mostly look at the negative side of things. It really drives me crazy but most importantly it seem to affect her trying new things or improving at things she knows. her first reaction to new things is NO. And when things don't go her way her first reaction is anger. How can I encourage her to react to things in a more productive manner?
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I have a 24 year old daughter who has been a mother herself for 30 months. My granddaughter seem no worse for wear however my daughter so far has taken no responsibility financially or otherwise except to spend her days with her ( me and my ex wife have been supporting the baby's needs ) as much as I talk to her about being more responsibe she never initiates anything. Also the baby's father is emotionlly and phyically abusive to my daughter who accepts this behavior. What's a father to do?
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My son is 13 yrs old and will be turning 14 this summer. Being a single parent, my son and I have moved from school system to school system. We just moved again and hopefully the last time. My son is in the 8th grade and started a school that has approx. 1300 students that attend. There are drugs and violence just like any other school. But I am concerned that I haven't given him strong enough tools to make it without my protection over him. My son is wonderful with picking the right friends but the children that don't get enough attention at home seem to cling to him? What do I do? How do I know that he will be ok without me watching him like a hawk? I do trust him but I am concerned that he will follow the others just to fit in.
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I have a first born son who is 6 3/4 years old. He is riddled with anxiety interacting with kids in sports and play. When he makes a mistake or his team does not win, he becomes so tearful. He cannot seem to make a mistake without becoming defensive. How can I get through to him that perfection is not necessary or realistic? What can I do to make him more accepting of himself?
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My eight year old daughter has become defiant and acts out often. She then says, "Everyone hates me." What parenting techniques can be used to encourage compliance and build self esteem?
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My son is just about seven weeks old. We work on an eat/wake/sleep schedule during the day. He typically falls asleep eating like most newborns. When he awakens after a few minutes, we have activities like tummy time or on the play mat. After 1 to 1 1/2 hours or so of being awake, I put him down for a nap. He sleeps for a little while and then wakes and sleeps his way through the rest of the nap. At times, he's wide awake. He's rarely fussy. When he wakes up during his scheduled sleep time, should we stimulate him or try to put him back to sleep. I'm afraid stimulating him will throw off his schedule and impact the nights; my husband disagrees and says that if he's up, let him be stimulated until the next feeding. Help!
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I have 2 daughters 11 months apart age 14 and 15. They fight constantly about clothes/make up everything! It gets so OLD and tiresome Also trying to get them to help with ANY type of chores is tough I offer to pay them $7/hr and they don't do any work??? Any advice on turing them around?
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How can we get immigrant families to speak English at home so everyone learns the language?
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How much individual time does each of my 3 boys need (4 months, 3 and 5)and how do I schedule the day to meet those needs and my own needs?
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My son is ten years old and in fourth grade. He has been caught at school using foul language. He used a four letter word during lunch period and a custodian saw him (he didn't actually hear him but recognized the word as my son mouthed it - several times). My son was apparently reacting to something the Principal was saying (they were short on a certain type of lunch item). This is the second time my son has used the "F" word in school. He knows better because he was terrified that the Prinicpal would call me (which she did). My husband and I are not saints. We do try to watch our mouths but I would be lying if I said that I've never used bad language in front of my children (it's definitely slipped out a few times). My first dilemma is the cursing. He doesn't do it at home...he knows he'll get in trouble. He has said it at school before and was disciplined (Principal's Office and no reccess for a week). My second dilemma is that he didn't come clean w/the custodian and the principal and denied he ever said it - he lied. My son knows he'll only make things worse for himself if he lies so we're hoping he admits it when we talk to him tonight. Our first inclination is to ground him or punish him (should I try the soap??).
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How do I know if full day kindergarten is better for my child than half day kindergarten? Half day is 2.5 hours all day is 6.0 hours. Are there any parents or teachers that have had experience with both full day and half day?
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My son who is 13 years old and in grade eight seems to be getting in trouble frequently...not bad trouble but disruptive in class, fooling around on the bus, it seems like he is being the class clown..he gets good grades. but i keep getting calls from the school telling me about what he is doing and i feel at wits end. any suggestions.
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How do you deal postively with a three year old who usually say no.
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We recently moved and we have a boy who is 7 and a girl who is 9. My son is doing ok misses his friends but trying to move on. My daugther is having a very hard time the girls here are not so friendly. My daughter is also very much into sports, which she is involved with here but at school the girls are teasing her about being a girl or a boy. Both my children miss their old home and friends. I don't know how to make this easier for them.
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My child is 2 1/2 years old. Her mother lives in another state and has spoardic contact with my daughter. My daughter has began to bite the other kids in her daycare and no matter what we do it keeps getting worse. Her pediatrician said that she needs to be spoken to and removed from the situiation. This is not working. How can I get my daughter out of this habit? My daughter lives with me, my father and brother at the moment. We all live in a small apt. We will be moving to florida within the next 3 weeks and she will have more room and a big back yard. I believe that the daycare is not equiped to deal with this type of situiation.My mother suggested a child psych but i am not positive that it is a good idea to put another person in her life and than talke them away. I am trying to make her life as stable as possible. We moved in here out of necessity and it is just crowded. We have only been here a few months. When her mother is around she is drunk so i think i may have to stop the visitrs all together. I am 31 years old. and currently work full time. My hours are either 6-3 or 9-6. My daughter is well behaved for the most part. She does not throw many temper tantroms any more.Any help would be greatly appreciated. My goal is to teach my daughter not to berade or deminish her.
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My 8 yr old daughter loves school and evening activities but getting out of the house is always a challenge. She isn't self motivated to get ready and I nag and then yell in order to be on time.
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My two and half year old son has suddenly become very agressive and stubborn after the birth of our second child. It's been almost three months but things are not getting better as he resorts to shouting, hitting and even harming the baby. What to do?
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I am an adoptive parent of 2 foreign children. My son is 11 my daughter is 7. We are very open with them about adoption and have had several frank discussions about adoption, yet I still don't get the sense that they grasp the full meaning of it all. Any suggestions on how to get them up to speed?
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We live in a very affluent community yet we are not that wealthy at all. My daughter often seems frustrated that her friends are able to do some things and buy some things that we cannot afford. Although I understand her frustration, how can I make her understand our situation and keep her grounded? She is 8 years old.
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My daughter is 4 years old and has no desire to be potty trained. I've tried giving away her toys, trying to bribe her with things that she wants, making her sit on the potty for long periods of time, etc., etc., etc. I've been working on this for almost 2 years!! I don't know what else to do. She does pretty good with pee-peeing in the potty but has yet to poo-poo in the potty. Also she tries to hold her bowel movements which just end up making her constipated. I'm at my wits end. I like to think that she will just do it when she is ready, but I'm beginning to wonder.
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My son is 2 years old. He's never been afraid of the dark but today he got scared all of a sudden after seeing his shadow in a dim room. He couldn't stop crying out that there were monsters. He was very afraid. Can you offer advice on how to handle this? His behaviour and "monsters mommy monsters" kept on throughout our bedtime routine.
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I have a 17 year old daughter whose acting very aggressively. She's been arrested and has two charges pending against her as an adult. She made holes in my walls, she doesn't listen to what I say to her. I have called the police and they called DFCS who told me I have to protect my other two children but no help for my seventeen year old. I don't know what to do. Her father was abusive to me and now I feel she is my new abuser.
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My 13 year old son, who is a very heavy sleeper still wets the bed at night. He has also started to lie to us about homework, and no longer cares anything including his sports. What should we do?
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My daughter will be seven years old in 3 months. Recently she had two friends (girl age 6 and boy age 7) visit for an overnight playdate. I allowed them to play downstairs in the family room while I was upstairs. After they left I discovered that the expensive bedspread had been torn on the guestroom bed next to the family room. My daughter admitted that she and her friends stood on high stools and jumped onto the bed. She admitted that all of them lied to me when I periodically called down the stairs to check on them. As a consequence I told her that she cannot go "trick or treating". She got very upset and said that she wishes I were dead! I feel devastated. Was the punishment too harsh? Can I change my mind?
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My five-year-old son recently started kindergarten. I am getting reports from the teacher that he is not listening to her, the lunch aide, and others. This same situation happened last year in pre-school. I met with a child psychologist who suggested that we create a 'daily report card' for my son that the teachers would complete. Each day they would put a happy (or sad) face sticker on activities letting me know how my son behaved. I don't believe that worked well because my son felt very defeated about not ever being able to do well enough. The psychologist then suggested that my son simply look to the other children to see how to behave. I was concerned about that as well since he would lose his sense of self, and in the long term it may be the wrong message about following others. But I am still at a loss to help him listen better at school. We had the same issues at home, but with a stern voice and consequences he does listen. How do I communicate with the school without everyone micro-managing my son and looking for things to write down to send to me?
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My son is 21-months and takes "gym" classes every friday at his daycare. He loves it and comes home excited, trying out his new games. His teacher says he's terrific at it and quite fearless. What we love about his classes is the unstructured structure (if that makes sense) and with the focus being on having fun rather than competition. Now, since my son loves this activiy so much should my husband and I consider putting him in one or two additional classes outside of daycare? If so, what's right: a gymnastics school or one of these kids places like Gymboree or Little Gym? I'm worried about these places being overly structured.
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My 3 year old daughter is not a morning person. I make her go to bed for 8:00 - 8:30 p.m. I have to fight with her just about every morning whrn I wake her up at 7:00 a.m. She screams and pulls at herself for hours. She doesn't give up. Sometimes she screams for so long that she is soaking wet by the time she does calm down. I tried a punish stool but she seems to like it. She asks to stay on longer. During her tantrums, she even looks scary. I don't know what to do with her. My husband doesn't have as much trouble with her as I do. I am much stricter with her. I take her things from her to punish when she doesn't listen. I don't know what to do anymore. Help!!
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My husband and I are considering a separation.I do not want to separate or divorce, but things do need to change in some ways in our marriage. We have a 16 year old daughter who is very close to Dad. She wants us to divorce, I think to give her a new life. She wants to live with her Dad. She never wants to talk to me, says she hates me, saya its going to be so much better without me. I feel like the bigest obstacle to a recovery for my husband and myself is our own daughter.
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My 5 1/2 year old son strongly resists throwing away wrappers and packaging, saying that he can make something out of it later. I find stashes of popsicle sticks, toy packaging etc. He also doesn't want to pass on clothing that is too small. What might be going on here and how can I help him feel more comfortable in letting go of things?
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My daughter will be 16 in 4 weeks. She was caught shoplifting with a friend (who ditched my daughter and was not caught) and was 'cited'. Her father and I divorced when she was 2 and she lives with me and her step-dad 85% of the time. Because my daughter was going on a week long vacation out of state with her Dad and step mom she convinced me to allow her to delay telling her Dad about the shoplifting incident. She has been back for 4 days and today went into melt down mode when I asked her about when she was planning to tell him. She informed me that she would rather die and would kill herself if I told her Dad. She said he would not understand and that she was not going to do it. I do not believe she means it when she says she's going to kill herself, she's said this type of thing before and she is currently seeing a therapist on a monthly basis. She also decided to take out her anger on me and said I was mean to make her do this and proceeded to verbally assault me in every way you can imagine (she called me names, said that I deserved having my wallet stolen from my purse earlier that day (karma), she mocked me, laughed at me, screamed at me (profanity/expletives), refused to clean up after herself, feed dogs, normal chores etc). What should I do? Tell her Dad anyways? Let it go? Set a deadline for her to do it and if she does not then tell her Dad? In shock and do not know what to do.
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Hello, I am a 35 yr old mother of 2 teenagers. My daughter is 15 and my son is 13. My daughter is a bright child whom is very obedient towards me and her father, but lately she has started going out with a young man whom is also 16 and she has gotten out of control. She is verbally abusive towards me and my husband, her schoolwork is neglected and she is very temperamental. She is starting to lie and is always throwing things in our faces about how stupid we are. That we don't let her do nothing. I'm very concerned. Please help me with my out of control daughter. Concerned mom
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I've been trying for seven years to instill healthy eating habits in my children (girls now 15 and 13) since I first noticed them overdoing their choices in food. However, even though I cook "light" and have fruits and vegetables around all the time, they both seem to have no will-power if there is the smallest ice-cream container or box of crackers in the house. Neither likes any sports, though one just started ballet. We live in a part of the country where it is 90 degrees by March, and 100-115 degrees every day of the summer, so they hate to be outdoors unless they're swimming and even then they just splash around unless my husband and I (I'm 125 lb; he, at 179, needs to lose about 20) tell them to do laps. We both do 20 laps each night as inspiration, but they don't follow. At this age, is it all right to offer money rewards if they will do laps or, indoors, aerobics to a DVD? I'd prefer that to withholding allowance. We tried dance classes at the Y and they didn't like those (dragged their heels, were late, etc) so I gave it up. Our pediatrician (who is 5'10" and quite large herself) has finally (without prompting) declared them on the line of overweight, so that's some ammunition. I'm willing to have no ice cream or crackers in the house (my husband's plan), but how do I actually get them moving? I read all the articles about "don't use the word diet" and "don't push them into anorexia" but then every other article says we're in an epidemic of overweight children. I calmly talk about portions, about balance, about the need for activity to ensure good health life-long, but they don't respond. What words can I use? Help!
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I have been trying to get my 3 year old daughter to eat what we are serving for dinner rather than make special meals for her. She usually, with much coaxing, will try what we are having, but gags and spits it out. I tell her that this is our meal and she usually goes to bed without eating much. In the morning, she is starving and begging for breakfast. I do try to serve at least one thing she likes at each meal and fit in things she likes throughout the week like spaghetti or Sloppy Joe, but How can I get her to broaden her food horizons wo we can broaden our meal selections? Thanks for your advice on how to handle this.
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In response to my eight year old not sleeping in her room... this is an old behavior pattern. She's been doing it since we put her in a bed. Most of it is our fault for no follow through but now that she's eight, it's much more difficult. Any thoughts on resources to start over?
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I asked my 3 1/2 year old if he wanted to go to the gym with me this morning and play in the kids room, he answered yes; however, after getting there he refused to stay in the play area without me. When I told him he would have to stay or we would leave, he said he wanted to go. Should I have made him stay or let in and go home?
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I am having a difficult time with my very bright 10 year old daughter. She is barely getting a "c" average at school, although she is smart and really knows the work. She is unmotivated, turns things in late to get zero credit, or forgets to write her name on her work, thus getting another zero. She says she wants to go to college, but, I don't know how to get her to focus and get organized no matter how hard I try.
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My 10 1/2 year old daughter suddenly doesn't like me at all. If i say it's black, she's says it's white, if i like it she doesn't, she looks at me like i am stupid, and often insults me and says things to hurt my feelings intentionally. I realize she is pre-pubesent and the changes are becoming noticable but this behavior is hurtful and disrespectful. Somethings gotta give. I want her to realize her words are hurtful and her "attitude" is not acceptable, without making her feel like she doesn't have the right to express herself and hate me even more.
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I am a single father . My son is 6 years old. Recently my child's mother and I had a falling out. She has gone to stay with her mother and rarely calls our son. From what I hear from his teachers there has been a small change in his behavior patterns. He is doing things out of character. How do I best explain a compicated situation to a 6 year old in order to keep his spirits up at a time I know is difficult for him?
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Hi I am a single mother of 2 boys (11/7)they are really good kids.I had my sons write a letter to santa and I told them that I will mail it for them.My 11yr I think he knows that Iam santa but we don't say anything.Now in the letter he was say how he hates his dad he really hates him.I think he feels bad about it.and the pictures in he's room of his dad are all blacked out. My family is really big and we live in walking distance of each other.I was going to write him a letter and say its from santa and try to help him figure out his feels and have him open up to me about his dad so I can get some kind of understanding.His dad is a good dad but not reliable.He was abusive to me ever hit the kids and did drugs and drank. He is now cleaning himself up and wants in their lives but my 11y will not talk to him or read the letters his dad write to him.I told his dad he needs to go at our sons pace he will open up to him but with this letter to santa I don't know what to do for my son.
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I have two boys who always speak very loudly,they are six and eight years old.I have had hearing tests done.How can I teach them to speak a bit quieter? (Each one is given time to talk so they don't have to feel they are competing).
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My pediatrician would like my 10 month old weaned from the bottle by the time he's 12 months. He's been drinking water from a sippy cup since he was 6 months but he won't drink his milk from one. What should I do?
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My neighbor's 4 year old little girl constantly asks if she can hold my 9 month old son. I always nicely say no which she then responds that our other neighbor, with a son the same age as mine, let's her hold her baby. I'm not comfortable with a child holding an infant so how can I respond to this little girl without hurting her feelings?
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My 7-month old has started turning onto his tummy in his sleep. I have concerns about SIDS so should I be switching him to his back?
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what books do you reccomend to read to a 5 month old
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My four-year-old has to win at every game we play, regardless of who he plays with. When he loses,he starts to cry. How can I help him to change this behavior?
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Our ten-year-old's little league team just finished the season and the team mother is getting all the players trophies. Is it a wise idea to give trophies for playing? The team won about half the games this season.
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My son has been verbally abused by his stepfather for 15 years. We are now going to get a divorce. I have a 7 year old daughter with him. Do you have any information about step parents who verbally abuse step children? Do you also have information regarding how to help my daughter cope with this divorce?
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My sons (twins, age 17) no longer follow my rules. They claim they are the only ones with a curfew, and as a result don't respect the curfew I impose. I have strong reason to believe they are both drinking and one may be smoking pot. I gave them both cell phones, so I could contact them, but despite the fact that the cell phone bills are high, I am never able to reach them when I call. I ground them, but once lifted, the same behavior begins again. Although their dad is in the picture, he is ill and unable to give me the support I need. Bottom line is that I don't have any leverage to change their behavior. Is there some sort of behavior modification program or 'boot camp'you could recommend? I am struggling, and feel quite alone.
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Lately, my 3-year-old son constantly picks his nose and then eats his buggers. It is so disgusting! How can we get him to stop?
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My grandson, who is just over 2 years, has recently started to become upset when his Mom leaves him. The first occurrence happened at a fitness club when she left him with a caregiver. Up until now, he had never been in the company of any people other than family. I'm hoping that he will become more used to staying with others, but wanted to see if this is somewhat normal.
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My 13 year-old son consistently neglects his homework and studying. He admits that he is aware of what is required but simply doesn't want to do the work. Over the course of several years, we have tried micro-managing, punishment and rewards but nothing seems to help. He is a very bright child (we have had a full battery of intelligence tests) and generally cooperative and happy. His class participation is great and his teachers say he is a pleasure to have in class. However, he will be lucky to hold a "C" average. I don't know how to help him break his pattern of underachievement.
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When should a boy child be discouraged from climbing in bed with his single mother if he wakes up in the middle of the night? (My son is almost 7; his dad and I separated when he was 3 and he doesn't spend much time with him.) Sometimes he wakes with leg pains, but often it's just for comfort. Thanks for answering.
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Lately, my 3-year-old son constantly picks his nose and then eats his buggers. It is so disgusting! How can we get him to stop?
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My 2 1/2 year old daughter is stuck on the color red. Her Pre-school teacher has talked to me recently regarding this. She is very intelligent, but refused to idenify any color other than red. She appears to get frustrated when I try to go over her colors with her at home or while we are out and about. She has even changed the subject to counting or pointing out shapes. What is the root of this problem? Is she just being headstrong? Could there be an underlying problem, such as color blindness? What is the best approach to help her with this?
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thumb sucking... my 3 1/2 year old son - sucks his thumb out of habit. Only when he's bored - and/or in his bedroom ( and sees his blanket). I've begun not allowing it in front of me - and he takes his thumb out. I'm afraid this will cause him to suck in privacy ( which he does - under the covers) HELP !!
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Our 13 1/2 year old son is a very good student and an exceptional athlete--one of those kids who is naturally gifted in sports. He has a sister exactly 3 years older who is also gifted not only in her studies and sports, but also in filmmaking, art, community servcice activities, and music--a hard act to follow. We have always been careful to let our son make his own choices and never to compare the two, and so far, each one seems to have a good sense of self esteem. The problem we perceive is that our son's activities are pretty two-dimensional. Aside from schoolwork, all he cares about is sports and shopping. He has learned to shop the name brand discount stores for deals and is very preoocupied with finding new outfits (he spends his own allowance money and birthday money, so it's not a drain on our budget). All he seems to want to do when he's not being athletic, is shop. He even goes online to look for clothes. Although he is popular, well liked, and has plenty of friends at school, there is nobody he wants to get together with after school or on holidays. He seems happy to watch ESPN and shop. Sometimes I think we've created a consumer monster. Should we be concerned?
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My 3 1/2 year old son shows an excitement in my feet that concerns me. He wants to hide under the blanket with them - he hugs, kisses them - and seems to get aroused easily when he does so. So - I basically hide my feet from him - I don't take my shoes off or let him snuggle and play with them anymore. Am I making it more of an issue by keeping it from him & hiding my feet? Should I let him play with my feet ? With otherwise have a very healthy loving relationship. Help - concerned Mom
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My 13 year old daughter is pestering me and pestering me to have a boyfriend. I find when I stick to the NO, she goes behind my back anyways. I worry about her and feel she is much too young to have a boyfriend!
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My children ages 5 and 6 will not listen without me threatening to hit them. I do not like to hit and I would like for them to listen to me without me repeating myself one hundred times
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My Daughter (9)has 2 friends with whom she is very close to. They are very much like Sisters. One of the girls is a habitual liar. The girls are all aware of the character flaw, however, this same "friend" continually trys to embarass my daughter with lies and by pointing out "mistakes" Both she and I are not too sure how to deal with this? any advise?
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My 10 year old is excluded by the majority of his classmates, i.e. when splitting into groups for projects (no one wants him with them) or when picking sides for lunchtime play, they avoid having him on their team. He is being alienated by the "in group." How can I help him stop this before the upcoming teen years when it will only get worse? Thank you.
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My son, age 15, and his friends like to play these role playing games such as Magic the Gathering and Dungeons and Dragons (also called D&D). I came across some information, mostly fundamentalist writing, against these types of games. Since you do a column on games and toys for children, do you have any information on the use or misuse of role play/fantasy games by older children and teenagers? Should parents be on the alert for this material? How can parents help their teens to deal with their indulgence in fantasy games?
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The coach always picks the star players for my 10-year-old son's little league team, leaving the other kids sitting on the bench, except for the required 2-inning play rule. Should I speak up about this?
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The coach plays all the star players on my ten-year-old son's baseball team, playing the other kids only the required 2 innings. What can or should I do?
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My 13-year-old daughter is being verbally harrassed by one of her classmates. My daughter simply wants to ask the teacher to switch her out of her desk groups, while I want her to talk to the Dean since my daughter feels a bit unsafe around this girl. Should I let her handle it her way, or should I go in and speak with the Dean?
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The coach constantly picks the star players for my 10-year-old son's little league team, leaving the other kids sitting on the bench, except for the required 2-inning play rule. Should I speak up about this?
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I’m the single parent of an out of control 17-year-old. How do I get back in control?
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Recently, my 14-year-old has taken up with a rough crowd. The more I question, the more he keeps to himself. Give me some ideas on how to intervene.
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My stepdaughter is very rude to my family when they come to visit, even though they try to be nice.
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With all the frightening stories on television, my six-year-old is afraid to even go in our backyard to play. How can I reassure her (and myself) that she is safe?
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My children seem to fight all the time; the more I get involved, the worse it gets.
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The children at school bully my son to the point where he is afraid to go out at recess.
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My two-year-old has become very whiny and getting worse. How can I stop this behavior?
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My baby thinks playtime is nighttime and we are exhausted. Any way to get her on track? exhausted. Any ways to get her on track?
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The coach plays all the star players on my ten-year-old son's baseball team, playing the other kids only the required 2 innings. What can or should I do?
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How do you create a family culture for a child when there may be blended families and 2 households?
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The eighth grade promotion dance is being held in an outside catering hall. Many of the girls will be wearing fancy dresses, having their hair and nails done and some are getting limos. A mom called to see if we wanted to include our daughter in sharing a limo. Is this going overboard?
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The children at school bully my son to the point where he is afraid to go out at recess.
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