Patented Q & A Database

My 14 year old daughter was caught in several lies by her father and I. She was telling us that she wasn't seeing a boy we felt was too old for her (he's 16) and she said she wasn't. I took her phone away and saw she has been texting him for a while. She told another boy who has been a friend that she is dying of cancer and it affected him greatly. She has told another boy that her father and I physically abused her! I'm a stay at home mom and as parents we are involved with our kids lives. We spend time talking and listening and playing games and eat meals together. We love our girls and don't understand why she would be reaching out for attention in so many wrong ways to so many different boys. I don't believe she is using drugs or having sex or drinking. I believe she needs counseling, but not sure if that is going to help? Any advice as to where to go from here would be helpful.

Naomi Drew Replied: You are absolutely right to pursue counseling. Get some referrals from your family doctor or the guidance counselor at your daughter's school. The kind of lying you're describing is a red flag. You are very wise to realize that this is the path to take. A good counselor can make a world of difference. Good luck with this. I would suggest doing it right away.
Posted On 2009-09-22 09:49:04

Amy Sherman Replied: It sounds like your daughter is seeking attention any way she can get it. Children lie for several reasons:to protect themselves, to avoid things, to get approval by impressing others and to cover their fears. Your daughter is old enough to understand the consequences for getting caught in a lie and the rewards for telling the truth. Sometimes the truth is hard to tell, but explain to your daughter that it is easier to remember the truth, than remember the lie. Try not to give her too much negative attention for lying, but rather when she tells the truth, reinforce that with appropriate rewards. I recommend you get your daughter professional counseling so she can discuss her fears, insecurities and esteem issues openly.
Posted On 2009-03-18 14:17:25

Dr. Vicki Panaccione Replied: I am so glad you wrote in to parentalwisdom.com. You are certainly not only right to be concerned, but also to seek assistance. For a therapist, you might want to ask your pediatrician/family practitioner, guidance counselor/teachers or spiritual leader. Word of mouth is also a great way to find a great therapist---ask your friends! She will need to see someone who specializes in working with young teens. A generalist will not do---tweens are a special breed all their own, and require someone with the expertise to treat them. For right now, try to think of any changes, stressors or circumstances that might have occurred triggering this atttention-seeking behavior. Merely punishing will not be effective, since these behaviors seem to be driven by some yet-identified cause. Try to have a conversation with her, out of concern and interest, rather than from a punitive standpoint. She may be willing to speak with you if you reassure her that whatever she tells you will not be punished, but rather problem-solved with her. Make sure you let her know that you love her, even while not approving of her behaviors.
Posted On 2009-02-23 15:10:26