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Hi I am a single mother of 2 boys (11/7)they are really good kids.I had my sons write a letter to santa and I told them that I will mail it for them.My 11yr I think he knows that Iam santa but we don't say anything.Now in the letter he was say how he hates his dad he really hates him.I think he feels bad about it.and the pictures in he's room of his dad are all blacked out. My family is really big and we live in walking distance of each other.I was going to write him a letter and say its from santa and try to help him figure out his feels and have him open up to me about his dad so I can get some kind of understanding.His dad is a good dad but not reliable.He was abusive to me ever hit the kids and did drugs and drank. He is now cleaning himself up and wants in their lives but my 11y will not talk to him or read the letters his dad write to him.I told his dad he needs to go at our sons pace he will open up to him but with this letter to santa I don't know what to do for my son.

Dr. Steven Kairys Replied: The fact that your son opened up in a letter about his feelings is significant. It is a call for help. Talk to him directly. Let him know that you will support him and help him. Seek some professional counseling for your family. It is important. Don't let the moment pass.
Posted On 2006-03-23 10:46:25

Mark Viator Replied: Your son is going through a tough and emotional time, but he has made it clear how he feels regarding his dad. You are doing the right thing by instructing his dad to move at his son's pace. Dad is going to have to regain his son's trust and respect. This is going to be a slow and long process. Your role needs to be one of support for both sides. Let your son know that you understand and respect how he feels regarding his dad. Also, let him know that you believe that with time his feelings may change. If you feel that his father is ready to be a real dad, then do support him to start making small steps in regaining his 11 year old's trust and respect. I would also recommend that the 7 year old not be over looked. If he is willing to see his dad, let him. This could serve as an example to your 11 year old that he may be able one day to trust and respect his dad again. The major thing to avoid is forcing your 11 year old to go against his feelings. This will make a bad situation worse. He will feel that his feelings are not that important and then resent his father, and you, more. Good Luck.
Posted On 2005-12-02 16:13:22