Patented Q & A Database


My Daughter, age 12 wants to attend a party at her girlfriend's house which is a high school graduation party for the girl's brother. She says her friend is inviting other of her 12-year old girlfriends. I do not know the parents and do not want her to go. To me this is totally inappropriate. My husband and daughter don't understand why. Please advise.


Jennifer Brout Replied: Your reservations are completely justified. However, I wouldn't necessarily expect your daughter to understand this. It is certainly your right to say no to your daughter. However, if you are at all flexible or if you and your husband are really at odds, one idea might be to contact the parents of the student throwing the party. It is possible, that although you don't know them, after speaking to them you may feel more comfortable about the situation. It's probably worth the call just to find out! However, if you decide against your daughter going, than the best you can do is try to explain your decision to her as clearly as you can. She may not appear to understand but she may absorb more than she appears to!
Posted On 2007-12-01 15:16:17
Joan MacMullen Replied: You are absolutely correct in having apprehension about your twelve year old daughter attending this party. First of all, no twelve year old should be at a social event hosted by parents you do not know. Their parenting style and/or level of supervision may or may not meet your own guidelines. If your daughter found herself in an uncomfortable situation, she may not feel at ease asking strangers for help. Mixing twelve year olds with high school graduates is also not a good idea. These two groups are on two different planets as far as celebrating is concerned. Even if the parents hosting the party are wonderful, they will most likely be engaged in providing a celebration for their graduate and not focused on the twelve-year olds. There is just two much room for negative consequences in this situation. Hopefully sharing some of these reasons will help your husband see your concern. As far as your twelve year old daughter is concerned a simple. "I am not comfortable with the situation. It is my job to make sure that you are safe, and I am not comfortable that I will be doing my job if I let you attend this party; therefore, the answer is definitely no." Don't second guess your very valid gut feeling. It is more important for your daughter to be safe and engaged in age-appropriate activities than it is for her to get her own way in this situation.
Posted On 2007-11-26 20:26:10
Charlotte DeVries Replied: Do you trust your daughter? Have her call you if she's uncomfortable at this party once she gets there. In the old days, this would have perfectly normal -- none of this "age appropriate" gathering together -- everyone would have been welcomed to the home to celebrate with the graduate as well as the graduate's sister. OK, it doesn't seem as safe a world as it used to be. But let's help our kids make some judgment calls and show them we trust their judgment without our checking behind every door before our kid even enters a room. Let's allow them a little breathing room like we used to enjoy when we were young.
Posted On 2007-05-20 14:01:32
Press Esc to close