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Question
My twins are 16 year old boys who have grown in the Church and have lived a very sheltered life. Will the sheltered upbring affect them as they go to college? Would freedom be so new to them that they would not know how to handle it and go overboard? How could I release them to the world? They don't drink, they don't smoke, they don't hang out, they do not have girlfriends, infact they have never been out by themselves at night? Is this going to be a problem at College?
Answer
Replied:
Great question! Many parents feel that as soon as their kids go to college they forget all the values they were taught at home. NOT TRUE!
For example I never drank at home or did drugs at home and didn't go it in college either, and I went to one of the most liberal colleges where everything was available.
Trust in the fact that they do not leave their values at home when they go to school; they take their values with them - inside them.
Of course, every once in a while people use their new found freedom to test the limits. But this is short term -rarely not long term.
Posted On 2007-10-11 12:56:31
Replied:
I would say yes your sons may have a problem. The problem is that they have not really been socialized. Learning how to interact with their peers and to handle difficult social situations, ie., drinking, smoking, girlfriends, are skills they must learn early on. Children need to learn how to resolve conflict with other peers and make their own decisions when in social situations. They will make not always make the best decisions when it comes to situations with peers, but children must learn from making their own mistakes.
With college being their first real social experience, you can prepare your twins by talking with them about social situations they may encounter in college and their fears around these situations. As a parent, you must now let your children go out into the real world and trust that they will use what you have taught them to make the right decisions.
Posted On 2007-07-23 11:14:45
Replied:
The impact of external forces on our children is not always within our control and at college you will control less than at home. Selecting a college that represents your home and church values is a MAJOR step as the educators and surroundings at the college can and will be best suited to reinforce the ideals and values that you have already instilled.
Sending the boys to a school which is out of their normal domain may not be the wisest choice. Interviewing and visiting the colleges that you are considering is also crucial. Other areas to focus on with your remaing time (before college) with the boys that you can control is your modelling, values and teachings. You have chosen the church as your guide along with your own lessons. Continuing along this path will give your children the knowledge and opportunity to understand the difference between right and wrong and from that hopefully they will make the right choices. Few people ALWAYS make the right decisions and as important as their decisions, you will find yourself tested when and if they err from the path.
Understanding, continued education and compassion are some of the choices that you will need to make versus anger, dissapointment and feeling rejected. Separation is often harder for the parents as the new world for your children will be exciting and full of adventure. Think about preparing yourself as well as them and the transition will be easier for everyone.
Posted On 2007-04-17 08:48:54
Replied:
Congratulations on the first 16 years!! At college, young adults will have the opportunity to learn just as much out of the classroom as they will in the classroom, especially about themselves. Before you select a college, there are many things to consider. Will they be going far away and thus live on campus or will it be a local college and they will live at home. If living at school, I strongly recommend they live on campus for at least the 1st 2 years. Do your research on campus life before making a decision and many schools even allow a current student to host prospective students for an overnight. Your twins remind me of a my neighbors who have 6 boys and also grew up with the Church as their dad is a minister. These boys are great role models for my young sons and are not missing out on any fun or freedom as they have tons of good friends and an active social life without needing to use alcohol, cuss, etc. As much as we want to always be looking over out children and I know I will be the same way, sounds like you raised them with great values and they will begin to "fly" on their own soon. College will present them with various choices and there should be a support group in place (resident advisors, student affairs office, academic advisors, etc.) to assist should questions or concerns arise. Continue to keep the dialogue with them open at all times and having each other will be a great comfort for each of them. Good Luck
Posted On 2007-04-14 14:34:34
