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I have a 14 yr old daughter who lives with her mother. Her mom has not remarried. I have remarried and have a 4 yr old son. My son adores his sister, but only sees her once a week. I am considering relocating out of state for financial reasons. I also consider that I would be able to have more quality time when my daughter visits us. We are not sure if this is best for my daughter.


Brenda Bercun Replied: What is best for your daughter is for her to have as much time as possible with you as well as her mom. I'm wondering why you only see her once a week. How can you be an effective hands on dad if you only see her once a week? I wouldn't encourage you to move out of state and be further away from her. I would encourage you to see her more often and be more involved in her life now.
Posted On 2007-06-24 19:35:05
Tara Paterson Replied: Dear Concerned Father, I would first like to applaud you for acknowledging your daughter's feelings in this situation. This absolutely is a difficult situation for everyone. Young children who bond with older siblings grow to depend on that connection and it will be a difficult transition to make for both your son and your daughter, but you are making a responsible choice to do what is best for your family now with the choices you have. The best thing you can do for your daughter is to model healthy changes and share with her the reasons for your choice. To stay where you are and bring potential undo stress into your lives would not benefit any of you. Having a conversation with your daughter and communicating with her openly and honestly about why you have to make this move is what I would advise anyone in this situation to do. You will be surprised at how she will receive your wisdom. Reinforce how much you care for her and include her in the planning of her trips to visit you. It seems like a difficult choice to make now, but we make the best decisions with the information we have at the time. I wish you well on this journey. Warm regards.
Posted On 2007-06-20 10:55:44
Ashley Hammond Replied: Unfortunately finances are often times the deciding factor in moves like this. Any time that young children can have regular contact with siblings a tighter more positive bond will exist. The evaluation must be looked at from two perspectives however one of which is the impact on your son if you stay. Does the fiscal situation force your relationship and your new wife's situation to be compromised e.g. extra work to make ends meet, tiredness etc... The most important relationship for your son remains with you and your wife. Your daughter will be in high school next year where life changes once again! 4 years from now college will likely take her away again. With modern technology, computer cameras etc.. contact need not be so remote. Evaluate the needs of the family "three" and go from there. From your daughters perspective the fact that she has a healthy relationship with her brother probably speaks to her havng a healthy relationship with you. The "loss" of dad is a bigger issue for her not your son/her brother. People and children in particular fear the unknown. I recommend a sit down with your daughter and make a realisitic plan that she can use as a guide for the future versus the "big statement" moving "out of State" Let her be a part of the planning giving her ownership of this move and she will understand and enjoy her new "type" of time with you and her brother.
Posted On 2007-06-19 15:10:58
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