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I have three boys ages 7, 4 1/2 and 2 1/2. My question has to do with my oldest son. Since I can remember he has always been someone who needs things to go perfectly. If something happens he can't bounce back or blow it off. For example tonight he had a cub scout hike and was very excited to do it. When we got there he was playing with the other kids, he tripped and fell but DID NOT GET HURT and then from there it went all down hill. First he started crying then he started saying he wanted to go home. I tried consoling him I tried distracting. I seem to make it worse. I just do not know what to do anymore. I feel like he is going to grow being disappointed in many things because he never just lets it go. Please help

Stephen Jones Replied: It sounds like he has some fears that you need to discuss outside of the stressful events. I recommend that you talk to him one on one about when he is making a good response and what kind of alternative responses he can make in a situation. Before going an event you might also talk about what's going to happen. It also sounds like he is craving the attention that you may be giving to the younger children. I encourage you to make him a helper and praise him for his leadership. Do some things that bare fun one on one with him. Let him know that you love him too.
Posted On 2008-12-06 07:36:00

Ashley Hammond Replied: Boys mature at very different rates and much of what you are describing sounds perfectly normal for some seven year olds. While some are easy going others need to be more structured.. neither is right or wrong simply different. The pain for you son upon his fall may not have been physical but emotionally he may have been embarrased as he is the oldest son. With being the oldest always comes a mantle of leadership and maturity and some do not want this nor are they ready for it. Your description of yourself sounds like a wonderful mum who always wants to put things right. While admirable this is not always possible and sometimes mums have to let it go also! You are going to need to allow your son to fall and pick himself up and be upset without consoling him etc etc... You state that you feel that "you are making it worse" Remember you are not wrong for caring but sometimes we need to channel that love a little more wisely. Allow him to deal with some of his hardships as he may be looking for some independance also. If his behavior continues over the next few years then you can always seek professional counselling but look at what and how you are treating him in these sitautions as well as how he is acting. Good luck he is a lucky lad to have such a caring mum!
Posted On 2008-04-07 21:46:01