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My oldest daughter is eighteen years old, but since she was sixteen, she has been going out with this boy named Gustavo. He is a good boy and I know his family, but he is a very jealous person. He doesn't want my daughter to go out with anybody. In the two years of their relationship they have broken up a lot of times but he always convices her to continue with him. My daughter doesn't like the authoritarian way he treats her, but she says that she loves him. I try to explain her that this relationship is not going to work, but I think that the more I refuse to this relationship my daughter as an adolecence is going to do the opposite. Even though she is a good student, I'm afraid that in the future this will affect her grades. How can I help my daughter with this relationship?

Genma Holmes Replied: Often times, motherly advice is rejected when it comes from "mom", I have encouraged trust worthy individuals with like values to befriend my daughter. When I am concerned about her actions, I engage them to have a day or two with her to make sure she is okay. This has not only been benefical for my daughter but for me as well. I haved learned from my older children that "it really takes a village" and to not be shy about asking for input from others. I believe your daughter does hear you but it does not hurt to have the same message come from someone else and to continue to share your thoughts but maybe not as much.
Posted On 2008-04-18 08:39:26

Amy Sherman Replied: Your daughter appears to be caught up in a relationship that's based on power and control. There are several red flags that come up for me in reading your question. The first is that Gustavo convinces her to come back to him. She shouldn't need convincing, but rather should want to continue the relationship because the foundation includes mutual respect and acceptance. Secondly, I'm sensing that she may be afraid to leave him, which is another red flag. Please go on the internet and research "Teen Dating Abuse" and give her some literature to read. A healthy relationship allows each partner to pursue his/her dreams, with the support of the other. It also encourages friendships outside of the relationship and does not feed off of jealousy and insecurity. If she is made to feel stifled, uncomfortable or has to "walk on egg shells" to keep the peace, she will never be happy. I would encourage your daughter to recognize what she doesn't like about her relationship and to seek out individuals who would enhance, rather than inhibit her personal growth.
Posted On 2008-04-08 19:20:03