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My 15 year old Daughter hates school, because it's really hard for her and she has given up and she is so depressed she always says she can't do it, and won't even try, no matter how hard she works she still belives she is a failure, bottom line is her social life is more important, and learning in school is too much work and can't get excited about it. I don't know what to do anymore? I lost my job recently also so my stress level is off the charts...I find myself drinking more than I use to, I'm losing my strength....self medication now I know why people fall in to it, they just give up.... I'm NOT there yet, and don't want to be.. Any sugestions!


Stephen Jones Replied: At 15 it's hard for your daughter to decide that school is a priority and that it will affect her future. Your daughter's belief that she is a failure serves as a roadblock to her success. I suggest that you ask the school to give your daughter a career test so that you can uncover areas of interest that she may not have discussed with you. Then you could meet with the school counselor to decide courses that fit her interest. Also a peer tutor may help her to have success in classes that she finds too difficult. Most people become depressed when they focus on their problems. I like to suggest volunteering with children or helping in the community to help your daughter to get the focus off of herself. Drinking is not the best solution for helping your child. I suggest seeking a counselor at a local church or alcoholics anonymous. Exercise and getting out for a walk every day is a good way to relieve your stress. Your daughter is looking at the way that you solve problems and she needs you to be strong too.
Posted On 2007-11-25 23:52:42
Charlotte DeVries Replied: Life with a teenager is challenging enough. Add in depression, low self esteem, your employment situation, and alcohol, and it does indeed appear overwhelming. Your daughter's "failure loop" is understandable (like the one you are feeling as your strength drains.) Both of you need to hear some new messages -- "mental tapes" -- that encourage you to turn around and walk away from this brink of disaster. I'm assuming you've talked with the school counselor. But if a "Big Sister" hasn't yet been suggested, it would be a good next step. Studies have shown that even one adult in a teen's life -- a non-judgmental, unconditional encourager who believes in a kid -- can make all the difference. Ask at your area social service office, make a call to an active church in your area (they often have good teen resources in place) or google this site: Meanwhile, you might consider a support group for yourself -- AA, Alanon, a church or synogogue. You'll be amazed how your problems are shared by so many others who've stood right where you are standing. But this is too tough to go alone. Don't give up. This is the stuff of life that takes time and commitment. Trust me here -- there is nothing so valuable as your daughter's future. In a few years, you could have a wonderful relationship with her and a shared pride that the two of you made it through a difficult time.
Posted On 2007-04-16 12:56:53
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