A: How can you be sure manners are being displayed? I suggest two things: 1) Put a note in with the gift, tell your grandchild how much you love him or her, and request that he/she write you (email? text?) that you received that gift. 2) WHEN you mail the gift, send an email to the parents telling them it's on the way and ask for a note back that the gift was received ok (and did Johnnie or Sally like it? After all, you don't want to keep sending gifts they don't like and would appreciate some feedback so you can please your grandchild. Of course if none of that works, send a check - at least you'll see when it clears and money is always appreciated by a child. You won't assure that the child is learning manners, but at least you'll know the gift successfully arrived. Hope that helps. | (view all answers to this question)

A: What a story - and you told it VERY well. 1st: Congrats for having such a wonderful relationship with your daughter. I'm sure you're thrilled that she can express things to you. Many other parents will be quite envious! 2nd: Let's see if my own story can help: I always told my kids that they do NOT have to obey the law. That's right... they do NOT! BUT... they must be ready to pay the consequences. So go ahead and speed, YOU will pay the ticket. Ever get in a car with a driver who has been drinking - lose your own driving privileges for a year. Don't wear a seatbelt when in a car (either as a passenger or driver), lose driving for a year. (I'll skip all the other examples). How does this affect you and your daughter? Perhaps you tell her WHAT your punishment is (grounded? No TV? What you feel it should be) but in THIS case, you've decided that her punishment was the way she felt the next day. I certainly would keep reminding her how she felt (making the impression on her unconscious mind that drinking leads her to be sick). 3rd: telling your husband? ABSOLUTELY. Now is not the time to keep things between partners. Hey, it's not his fault that he's a sound sleeper - so am I usually. And he wasn't the one to sneak out - he did nothing wrong. But the conversation needs to be in a way that shows that you have already handled the punishment and you need his support with the way you did it. 4th: Tell the other parents? YES. Handle it well. Go see the parent you feel closest to. Tell her/him that getting your daughter angry at you if all of this news gets out that YOU told them will be a sorry situation that must be avoided. But, at least in MY part of the country, parents allowing under-age drinking have gone to JAIL. It is a crime. And you're telling them to protect THEM and protect all the children who aren't mature enough to hold their alcohol... especially when driving. I hope this helps. Thanks so much for sharing it - my best wishes are with you as you travel the journey that continues with this. | (view all answers to this question)

A: Perhaps you can make it a game... so many points a week for experiencing new things. And at the end of the month, special rewards are giving for the number of points. I'd show them the points for each activity and the chart of points that add up to the bonuses so they can see what they are aiming at. For instance, "Read a chapter in a book" is 3 points, "visit a new place with Mom or Dad for an hour" is 5 points, "doing some good, physical activity outside for 15 mins" is 2 points, etc. And the "rewards" at the end of the month are "movie of your choice - 20 points, Mom makes your bed one day - 18 points, dessert of your choice (select a few things that you already approve like a trip to Dairy Queen, Ritas, etc) - 23 points" and so forth. Often when it's fun, they play along. Oh... and be sure to POST the game where everyone can see it and have them get your permission to fill in their score after each event. Get them to physically pick up the marker - that participation is important to getting the results you want. Hope this helps! | (view all answers to this question)