A: I don't feel it's a matter of getting help with the baby as much as it is a valid desire to have your husband connect more with both you and the baby as a family - as a unit. I think just about everyone agrees babies are a lot of work as well as the source of a whole lot of joy. If you all feel that your husband isn't "helping" you must also feel that he is missing out on a lot of the delightful moments - the small miracles - that happen in the midst of the day-to day esential seemingly mundane tasks of parenting. You want these guys to be "in", fully with both feet - entirely present to living this amazing life with you as a parent - am I right? I've discovered a wonderful way to invite anyone in to an experience I want to share with them - enjoy the expereince so much yourself that you can't help but share with them all of your joys and mini-epiphanies around parenting, and soon enough they'll want to expereince this "fun" for themselves and not miss out on any of these fleeting moments. They'll want to discover for themselves what it is that is the cause of so much happiness in you. Let me ask you all this - do you find yourselves complaining more often than not to your husbands (or to each other) about how much work it is and how tough it is to parent "all alone." Every woman I know who has a very engaged, family oriented husband - is having so much fun, loving her kids that her husband just naturally chooses to join in the fun. All this is, is a matter of focusing on the grace in your life - and allow the pain and problems to wither and die of neglect. Try this for one week - no complaints - just complements and acknowledgement of all of the good in your life, and watch your husband miraculously change. Why? Because you have! | (view all answers to this question)

A: I suggest that anything you choose to do with your daughter - whether it's a trip around the corner to the grocery stor or a trip to the Swiss Alps - is something that you absolutely LOVE to do. Share with her something that makes you feel so happy and alive that your joy is contagious. We can never give anything to another that we haven't first received for ourselves. If you choose to share something with your daughter that you really, truly love, she will see you in a whole new light. There will be no coersion or manipulating necessary. Joy and Sef-love are magnetic! | (view all answers to this question)

A: This too shall pass! Perhaps even by the time you find yourself reading my response you son will have changed his appetites and his mind about what he likes and doesan't like several times. The less commotion you make about food issues, the better off everyone will be. The over all theme of my book, Soul-Full Eating - is: Eat with love, what's grown with love, prepared with love and served with love. Focus on Love! That is all children (and adults :) crave any way. Tell your son,to eat what he loves while focusing on REALLY loving it. Then he'll always feel a sense of fulfillment. Fulfillment in the knowing that you LOVE him. If you want him to to eat healthy, nutritious and delicious food - then you love and enjoy healthy and nutritious foods right in front of him and share your love of what you're eating as well as the food itself. But do not force anything on him. If you love good, wholesome food, then he will too. If not immediately... very, very soon. | (view all answers to this question)

A: First ask yourself, why does your son speaking “baby talk” bother you? Are you genuinely concerned that this is a problem, or is it because you are concerned about what others might think? Or, more iomportantly are you concerned because of what you think of him when he does this? Can you just love him whether or not he speaks "baby talk" - just ognore it and instead focus on what you perceive as his strengths and not his weaknesses. If you allow this behavior to be acceptable - to be exxentially nothing - your son will feel accepted, for whatever why he is being. One he feel this kind of unconditional love and acceptance, then he can make choices and decisions based on his own experiences, not on gaining or attianing your approval. He knows that he has your approval, no matter what. If he notices you focusing on his flaws - he'll feel flawed! Let him know that no matter what her does or acts like, that you love him. Then just sit back and watch him grow up and thrive! | (view all answers to this question)

A: Hello Nicola,

Thank you for your important question.
First and foremost you do not want to establish or reinforce the idea of "victimhood" in your children. So despite what you may be now seeing, this situation with your neighbors is happening for you and your children not against you. But to see that you must ask yourself, "What's the most productive and empowering way for me, and my children, to look at this situation?"

Here's my suggestion: First sit down with your kids. Then, all three of you ask yourselves, "Why? Why is this happening?" And then with your children look at all of the reasons why this scenario is happening. But here's the catch. Realize that because of this problem with your neighboring family you all have been given a great opportunity to share something very valuable - something that will aid and empower you all and enhance the rest of your lives.

You are now getting the opportunity to very carefully look at a situation that appears to only be detrimental in order to find the gift in it. That's right. THE GIFT! You have been given an opportunity - a wonderful way - to remind yourself and to teach your children that no one has the power to upset you in any way - but yourself! Who can make you feel bad, or sad or disempowered if you choose not to feel that way?
The answer is, no one.

As a somewhat extreme, but beautiful example, I recently heard a story from a Holocaust survivor who was a teen at the time she was taken prisoner and sent to Auschwitz. She told about how every week, despite her emaciated and starving condition, she was chosen to give blood. When she found out that her blood was going to be given to the wounded German soldiers she said she thought, "How wonderful, they can have as much blood from me as they want, because I am a peace loving person, so the more German soldiers who have my blood the better. With my peaceful blood in them they will never win the war! "

So where is your gift in this scenario? If you guide your children into seeing that there is often much power and insight to be gained from adversity you will be giving them tools that benefit them their entire life. You can teach them a little very empowering phrase, "I can see peace instead of this." Then help them to look for the peace in the situation.

One way I often tell people to easily find the peace or the gift in any unsettling relationship is to realize that, when it comes to any conflict "only love is real." By that I mean that love is the only real, strong and triumphant empowering emotion that is worth focusing on. It always feels good and joyful to feel love. Whereas fear, on the other hand makes us feel weak as well as a host of other negative emotions.

So we can look at everything in life as either love or fear - as either love, or a call for love. What are your neighbors children doing then? They are giving a call for love. Afraid of what? Who knows... you don't have to figure that out. All you do have to know is that the one and only antidote to fear is love!

Maybe other people might not realize this, and therefore buy into their seemingly dramatic, combative story, and therefore experience "hell" right along with them as they war and battle it out. But consider what would happen if, just like that amazing teenager in Auschwitz (who is alive and loving her great-grand children today!) you taught your children to see something entirely different here. They can see that they are so strong and powerful that they can give love in return to any apparent assault. Not because your children are superior, or any better than your neighbors next door, but because EVERYONE deserves to feel loved. And what we give, we receive.

If your children return kindness and love to an assault from anyone, they'll feel their own power and peace and love. And amazingly enough, they'll feel like they live in heaven! Now, enjoy this great lesson in life fully as you sit down with your children and discover together how you can all unearth the love in this situation. Good luck and have fun as you all bring heaven to earth! | (view all answers to this question)

A: I suggest that you sign up for your own Facebook account, get to know how it works and then you can make a better informed decision about this for yourself. I feel each child is individual and unique and so there is no "right" or "wrong" age for this. Once you join Facebook, you'll see that it's a fairly safe entity.

Then when your child does join Facebook, at whatever age they choose to do so, or that you both agree is appropriate for them to get the most out of it, you can "friend" them and actually become an even greater part of their world. Even see their life, quite possibly, from a whole new perspective. Are you aware that whatever you post on Facebook, is accessible by all of your friends and so everyone you know and love can see it?

So, I would say that if you are worried about Facebook's safety, one you do join you'll see that the way that it's set up, you'll actually be able to become involved, be informed about their lives and have access to your child's "world" if you join in on the fun they are having with this online community.

I don't feel that it's ever beneficial to our children, or to ourselves, to approach any decisions we make from a perspective of fear.
Instead, you can look at this as a fun opportunity to share an online experience with them. Be sure of one thing though... this new way of communicating with the entire planet is here to stay and will mostly likely be expanding, changing and growing in years to come.

By the way, here's my Facebook page and both of my daughters connect with me there often: http://profile.to/maureenwhitehouse/

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A: Yes! Since I've worked in the media for a number of years - I am passionate about this issue. My CD sereies Conscious Parenting addresses it at length. | (view all answers to this question)

A: You asked, “… is it wrong to put her on a diet and exercise program?” I feel the more effective question to ask yourself here is what feels “right” or “wrong” to you. And I‘d like you to consider that question, with something very important in mind; on the deepest level there really is no right or wrong – only are we moving closer to love (feels right!) or further away from love (feels “wrong” – i.e. -unpeaceful, disconnected, empty, or bad). It’s really the feelings of lack of love that so often compel people to overeat, in an unconscious effort to fill the void of feeling unloved. So if I am interpreting your real question correctly – you are asking, “How can I best help my daughter to feel, happy, accepted, safe, cared-for and loved.” Well you know, that doesn’t have to be a “some day in the future experience for her (or you!) and you certainly don’t need to diet your way there! You can offer feelings of deep fulfillment to her right now, or with her next meal in fact. Share with her the most effective “diet” there is – the only one that can bring the truest, most easily shared and enjoyable experience… Eat with love, what’s grown with love, prepared with love and served with love. Simple ’eh? That’s the entire “diet” to share with her. And all you have to do is ask yourself, “Is this food a symbol of my love?” If so, offer it joyously. Do you realize that your daughter sees you as the most amazing, powerful, beautiful being on the planet? Therefore whatever you see in her, she subconsciously desires to become. To our children all parents are the authority – they feel we know best. What a powerful opportunity that presents for you. See only her perfection, her beauty, and most importantly her strength and unique individuality and then just step back and watch! Believe me you won’t be able to fear for her well-being any longer. The only reason any of us parents are ever overly concerned for the well-being of our children is if we mistrust ourselves! While all the while, we hold within us such wisdom – because that is the gift that comes along with parenthood – the wisdom of love. It sounds to me like you just forgot how to access your own truest mother-lovin’ wisdom for a brief moment in time. (Fear does that to us by the way :) There is a way for you to discern whether or not your consideration of putting your daughter on a diet is fear-based or love-based, here’s how: Just sit still for a moment, and completely divorce yourself from the good or bad opinions of other people. Now, consider the same question you asked imagining that the two of you in a vacuum of sorts-there’s no one else on the planet to judge either one of you – there’s only, you, your daughter and love. Now you tell me, do you need to do anything… let alone put your daughter on a diet!? It’s the fear (most often of both the good or bad opinions of other people) that begets the emptiness that leads to guilt and excess weight. Show her she’s unconditionally loved, just as she already loves you! What beautiful mirrors you’ll be to one another then. You just relax and love yourself for being such a caring, amazing mother who now realizes it’s only the love that fulfills us all – it’s our deepest craving and at the very same time, who we really are! And then just enjoy her- and every meal you have the grace to share together – she’s perfect and so are you!! Read- Soul-Full Eating: A (Delicious!) Path to Higher Consciousness visit www.eatwithsoul.com | (view all answers to this question)

A: Hello!

I’m Maureen Whitehouse, author of the book, Soul-Full Eating: A (Delicious!) Path to Higher Consciousness. The theme of my book is this: Eat with love, what’s grown with love, prepared with love and served with love. I feel that across the board, this simple statement is the answer to all kinds of struggles that adults have with food. But it’s important that we as adults ask ourselves, when do most food struggles begin? The answer is, most often in childhood. And one reason is that many of us grew up in households where it was expected that we “clean our plate” before we could be excused from the table. Let’s get more specific to your questions now… to an inquisitive, on-the-go two-year-old this can be a torturous experience. Often, before the adults at the dining table have finished two mouthfuls of their food a two year old will declare, “I’m done.” That’s because they’re genuinely satiated with one or two bites themselves and are now ready to move on to “more interesting things”. So I’d like you to ask yourself, if you’re asking an “expert” now how to feed your own child… maybe at some point you were led to believe that other people’s opinions and feelings are more valid and important than your own. The only question I believe you need to ask here – to yourself! – is what feels most loving to me now. How can I best show my daughter that she is completely loved – even at the dinner table?
By the way, my sister-in-law still speaks about how traumatized she was by having to sit at the dining room table long after every one of her siblings was excused, until she ate those last three cold and wilting peas. As she relates it, as a child she rebelled and tried to assert her autonomy for hours and hours saying, “I don’t like peas!.” Unfortunately she’d eventually break and eat them – her dad was a military Colonel at the time, so he knew how to win a battle! But, at what cost?

We never crave food as much as we crave love. And you can teach your children self-love via eating food. Yes! Offer them good, wholesome, healthy choices – plenty of them – this will spark their creativity and feelings of empowerment as they can make their own choices and feel your love as they do so.
If you find that, as an adult, you are unsure if you are in a battle with food yourself, here’s an excerpted exercise from Soul-Full Eating, that’s often very revelatory for my readers. Try it and let me know what you find out.
And remember, it’s through conscious parenting that we often discover the spontaneous, joyous, oh-so-loveable “lost child” in ourselves.

SOMETHING TO CHEW ON
Spend five minutes meditating on or writing about the following questions. When you were young, were you given praise for finishing every last bite on your plate? Were you ever coerced into eating even after you felt full by being told about the starving children in other parts of the world or about how others suffered and sacrificed to provide you with your meal? If so, then it’s likely that guilt has been coloring your world when it comes to eating—guilt for not eating enough, or guilt for eating too much. We are all born with an internal comfort-seeking mechanism—the Soul—The “Voice” of sanity. However, for many of us, it’s been layered over, smothered and silenced by the guilt inherent in our fear-based conditioning.

SOUL-FULL EXERCISE #1
Just for one day, do only what you genuinely love to do. Can you do that? Lucky you, if you don’t have to put a hold on everything and completely rearrange your entire life to do this. That means you are already being True to your Soul!
But if you do have to do a bit of finagling of time and space in order to allow your authentic-self to emerge, that’s still fine. Why? Because now you can see that you really do deserve to love yourself more. Once you do this once, there may be no turning back!
Eating what you really don’t love, without love, is just one small symptom of a greater picture of denying your brilliance and self-worth.
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A: You can be on the cutting edge of “new discoveries” in sport drinks, since the word hasn’t really hit the mainstream yet… but more and more American people are discovering a truly wonderful source for the five essential electrolytes that help athletes perform at peak levels – not in manufactured sports drinks but in coconut water! The benefits of drinking coconut water are something that tropical residents have been aware of for a very long time. That’s because tropical dwellers work, play and live very active lives in often extremely hot tropical climates, which causes them to perspire. And just athletes they must re-hydrate their bodies often to maintain optimum health.

Coconut water is a refreshing and wonderful tasting electrolyte replacing beverage that in my opinion far surpasses every artificial sports drink. Coconut water contains no artificial sweeteners or added sugars, it’s not colored or artificially flavored and it’s fat-free and cholesterol-free. But of most important concern to athletes is that it is an excellent source of the five essential electrolytes: potassium, calcium, magnesium, phosphorus and sodium – all delivered in nature’s perfect balance. You can purchase whole Thai Baby Coconuts in some oriental markets and in natural foods stores, such as Whole Foods. (These are not the little round brown coconuts – those are more mature and typically contain more coconut meat than water. Thai baby coconuts are found in the refrigerated sections of stores and they typically have the white husk still around the coconut shell.) These whole coconuts require some skill and tools to open, so although fresh, live coconuts are the best tasting, you can now purchase cartons (individual serving sized; or larger, 34 FL. Oz. sized cartons) that are convenient, easy to chill and drink from at any location – like sports fields! If you don’t have an oriental food store or natural food store nearby. Ask the grocers in your local supermarket order some for you. Who knows, you may start a new trend for the folks in your neighborhood – and promote a winning (well-hydrated) team!

Two brands of coconut water that I particularly like are: Vita Coco and O.N.E. - here’s a link where you can find them on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/search?ie=UTF8&keywords=Vita%20Coco&tag=swoggle5776-20&search-alias=grocery&sort=salesrank

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A: Here’s my personal philosophy; If you can’t say something supportive and helpful to someone, it’s best to day nothing at all. Instead, realize that just by being the example of what it is you’d like for them to become will impact the situation for the better. In this case, if you get clear with what you’d like for everyone to experience in this situation, all you really want for everyone is for them to feel peaceful, loved and respected. That’s a very good intention, but getting into other people’s business is often the least effective way to accomplish desired results. Instead, since what you focus on, you’ll get more of… if you see your sister as “the insensitive culprit” don’t be surprised if she exhibits behaviors that personify exactly that. Whereas, if you start by seeing everyone as doing the best they can at this time and then respect them for that, you’ll approach the situation from an entirely different perspective – one that is typically more loving, less judgmental and one that can also have an impact for the better much more quickly. Obviously what your sister really wants is love and if the only place she feels like she can get that at the moment is from her boyfriend, well then of course she’ll want to spend most of her time with him. Here’s something powerful that you can share with your nieces. Maybe they don’t approve of their mother’s choices and decisions and yet feel that they are affected by them directly or indirectly. When that’s the case, instead of feeling victim to the situation they can become victors over it by choosing to give what it is they most want to get… in this case it’s the love and caring attention of their mother. But truly that brand of love – love that comes from someone else is never, ever reliable – and as you’ve so wonderfully illustrated with your question – not even from a mother! In this world filled with people living in separate bodies, driven by different likes, dislikes and intentions, we cannot expect for anyone else to truly make us “happy ever after” Situations and circumstances are always changing as are people evolving, growing and learning via the lives they live. We can’t expect anyone to put their lives on hold for us – which is what so many mothers feel that they do for their children only to feel then that their children owe them something for that in return. They don’t! If you choose to sacrifice anything for another person, be prepared to realize that that is never loving. We can only receive perfect and undying love from ourselves! And how do we know if we’ve actually succeeded in tapping that kind of love? We don’t need others to do anything for us in order for us to love them… we just love them because that’s what feels best to us! No matter how they are acting towards us, anyone else or themselves. Only that is true love. Would you rather have your nieces really master a lesson in true love early on and go on to be powerful, amazing self-reliant women in all of their relationship. Or make them victim to the judgments about their mother, which will only serve to disempower them and loose sight of the love that they innately know and feel for her. Show them real, true undying love now, by asking them to join with you in accepting their mom just as she is and allowing for her to make mistakes is she must and by-the-way, if she doesn’t feel judged she’ll walk through situations that aren’t truly led by love, but fear much, much more quickly. For years, I worked with teens in the public school system, who came from “dysfunctional homes”. How I saw that is that the members of these families were all craving love yet no one really understood how to remove the obstacles to love’s presence. Instead they were all in grave denial that they could live without sharing the very thing they all wanted to experience most. From my own personal experience, I knew that only one person in a family is needed to be the one to change everything. How? By deciding to love everyone just the way they are. PS – that does not mean that you’ll be stuck with a situation you don’t like – that’s the power of love – once you accept people/things just as they are – they can change! | (view all answers to this question)